Sexual Polarity - Is It Necessary?
Journey to the Core of the Masculine
'Conversations about Men & Masculinity' & 'A 40 Day Challenge for Men'
This is a unique and powerful book. It is a record of a series of conversations with Christopher Howard on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. In them both Chris and myself opened ourselves up in a very personal and revealing way. We held nothing back and explored what it is to be men.
It was the end of the day. I was sitting in the foyer of the hotel waiting for her. Thinking about what had been happening between us, I felt good. Things were moving on, we were spending time together, the sex was good when we found the time, but was there sexual polarity?
I loved being with her and I felt she enjoyed being with me. Life was good. She came and we sat chatting before going back to the apartment with the others. We talked about us, I was looking for something positive from her, something to encourage what I felt.
Well I certainly got a clear message, but not exactly positive. She loved being with me, I was a great friend, but that was all. There was just no sexual polarity between us, she felt, no electricity, no excitement, no real sexuality.
It just wasnt happening for her, she felt there was nothing coming from me. It was not about performance but about energy.
I felt lost, unable to understand what was happening and unable to know what to do about it. I thought I was doing OK, but not OK enough, it seemed. Sexual polarity, where can I get that from?
Now I know. I have, since, found the answer and things are crackling between us. Let me tell you what I have discovered.
Sexual Polarity is a powerful expression of a relationship between two people, it expresses the nature of the relationship as well as it's power. It's an expression of the energy that encompasses the emotional and the physical connection between them. It creates the electricity between them that excites and binds.
It's important that we men understand exactly what sexual polarity is, where it comes from and how to use it. This understanding makes a significant difference to our ability to be fully present in a relationship and creates the power that will transform it's nature.
I have talked before about sexual polarity in 'Graham Reid Phoenix'. Recently in 'Power Through Sexual Polarity' I said,
"Men need to feel in charge, men need to feel a sense of certainty and authority. Society, today, mocks that, seeks equality and empowerment for all...
The effect of this great social move to equality is that you just shift the fear from men to women... I don't want the fear to stay with women, but neither do I want it on men. I want men to grow and be strong and I want women to empower this growth with their own.
This is not to seek equality but polarity. Sexual Polarity between men and women, polarity that empowers both, polarity that creates a buzz in this world, polarity that will blow open this culture for all of us."
Last year in 'Polarity in Relationships' I elaborated more,
"Sexual Polarity creates energy and relationships are about energy. Energy gives them life and makes them exciting...
Sexual Polarity usually ensures that both sides in the relationship are in their core. It is critical that each person is at ease with themselves and is comfortable with how the other is. Polarity reveals so much about this.
Sexual Polarity ensures there is no confusion in the relationship. Each knows his/her contribution to it and each enjoys the contribution of the other.
Sexual Polarity creates great sex, on both sides. This is important for the longevity of the relationship."
More recently in 'What's with the Inner Feminine?' I said,
"What we need are men who understand themselves, understand women and want to live in a society where equality at work and in the home does not mean a dilution of polarity. Lets have men that women want to be with, men who know themselves and what it means to their women."
So it seems it's about men and women, it can exist alongside equality at work and in the home and it's about power in the relationship.
What is Sexual Polarity?
Think of a magnet, it has two opposite poles that attract each other. The electromagnetic energy creates a force field that simply draws them together. Thats what happens between a man and a woman when they are fully in their energy. The energetic force field simply draws them together, they just cant help it. they feel the pull of the energy, the draw of the excitement, the sexualization, the sheer power.
That is what was missing for me, there was no energy. There was friendship and sex and enjoyment, but no clear energetic power.
Where does Polarity come from?
To create this energetic pull it is necessary that each pole is powerfully in its own energy. So the man should be in his masculine and the woman in her feminine. It can, of course, work the other way round but it needs to be mutual.
My problem was simply that I was not in my masculine. I was too focused on pleasing and persuading her and not paying attention to me. Who was I? What did I want for myself? I needed to find what was in me, what was already with me, the energy that lay dormant deep down inside me. I hadn't even been thinking about me or my core energy.
How to use Sexual Polarity?
The secret is that you don't actually use it, you just live it. Once you start living deep inside your energy it encourages your partner to live deep inside hers. When both of you are there the electricity just happens. There is no active working on it, no trying to prove yourself, no performance. You just relax into yourself and let the natural male inside you live. You trust that your presence and certainty will come out, naturally.
- Do you feel the energetic pull?
- Do you trust your ability to be present?
- Do you have polarity with your partner?