Men always seem to find it easy to identify what they don’t like about themselves.
For many it’s physical characteristics, whether it’s the body, nose or the fact that they’re too old. They have an image of a perfect ‘man’ and quite happily identify all the characteristics and qualities that don’t match up to this perfect ideal.
Do you ever use these to beat yourself up. The effect can go deep in your psyche. Some people even go so far as to have plastic surgery for the physical defects whilst other people create masks for themselves to cover up the emotional and psychological defects. Men commonly create masks, masks of masculinity, masks that show how great or capable they are.
It is important to separate things that genuinely need work from those imaginings that go on in your mind. Look at yourself objectively when thinking about this.
I was born with a club foot, a physical defect that I have never been able to ignore.
When I was young I went through many operations and much physical therapy. I could never get away from my ‘defect’. Going to a shoe shop to buy shoes has always been a major issue for me and my limp is always with me.
I have never let it interfere with my life but that doesn’t mean I have come to like it. I use it as a anchor to prevent me drifting into the idea that I am perfect. Perfection is not a great standard and I use it to ensure I never go down that road. I am comfortable with it but I don’t like it.
Accepting it but being comfortable with it is crucial for me. It allows me to create ways of dealing with it. My wife comes with me when I go shopping for shoes and she takes great pleasure in understanding what shoes will fit me and why I dismiss most styles. It’s a point of honour for her to like my foot. That means a lot to me.
- What don’t you like about yourself? Is it something physical or is it a personality trait?
- Write down what it is and really own it. Focus on it and develop another perspective on it.
- Can you change it or is it something permanent? How are you limiting yourself by thinking like this?
- Have you created a mask to cover up what you don’t like? Is the life you life not quite you? How could you be more yourself?
Other Posts in the series 'Dealing With Chaos'
- 06. Do You Need, Desire Or Love
- 07. Show Me How To Control Others
- 08. Do You Find Intimacy Difficult
- 09. Suffering Is Resistance To Pain
- 10. Look for the Learning in Emotional Pain
- 11. Are You Seeking The Truth?
- 12. Can You Look Forwards And Backwards?
- 13. Do You Blame Or Take Responsibility?
- 14. Are You Aware Of Your Masculinity?
- 15. Enjoy the Dusk, Celebrate the Day
- 16. Dealing With Chaos - Acceptance
- 17. Do You Accept Your Personalities?
- 18. What Do You Like About Yourself?
- 20. What Would You Like To Change?
- 21. What Are You Willing To Do To Change?
- 22. Describe The Ideal You, The New You
- 23. How Will You Achieve Change?
- 24. Is Your Life A Construction Site Or A Garden?
- 25. How To Live With Uncertainty
- 26. Can You Let Go Of Your Ego?
- 27. Can You Now Accept Who You Are?
- 28. Enjoying The Person You Are
- 29. Celebrate Who You Are - Be Outrageous!
- 30. Dealing With Chaos - Authenticity
- 31. Do You Live Your Life At Full Potential?
- 32. What Vision Do You Have?
- 33. Do You Walk Your Talk?
- 34. What Are Your Spheres Of Influence?
- 35. How Do You Use Your Sexuality?
- 36. How Are You And Your Family?
- 37. How Do You Use Your Power And Strength?
- 38. Can Others Rely On You?
- 39. What Are You Dishonest About?
- 40. What Will You Stake Your Life On?
- 41. What Is Passion? What Drives You?
- 42. Do You Know Your Truth? Do You Speak It?
- 43. What Will Life Look Like Now?
- 44. Dealing With Chaos - Participants Open Their Hearts
Latest posts by Graham Reid Phoenix (see all)
How Yoga Helped Me Find The Stillness In Masculinity
I have found that Yoga has enabled me to balance my personality and find my 'Still Point'. I use it to observe myself and deepen my masculinity with compassion, awareness and understanding. It has transformed me into a man who is both more alive and calmer.- November 2, 2016
Today I Felt the Shame of Being a Man
Graham experiences what it is like to be woman who is not listened to and suppressed. He looks at what men can do to fill this gender gap. Today I felt the pain of being a woman… Today I felt the shame of being a man…- October 26, 2016
Obesity in Men: What Is The Truth
Britain’s fattest man, Carl Thompson, was 33 years old and weighed 65 stone when he died in 2015. For those not from Britain, that is 410 kilos or 910 pounds. He was housebound, bed-ridden and alone. This was a man whose life had moved out of balance, and who ended up in a miserable, early death. This is an example of the issue of obesity in men.- October 16, 2016