Men have issues with intimacy and frequently are unable to admit they have issues with intimacy.
They sublimate their emotions in actions they can understand. This is the heart of much of the difficulty between men and women. For men it’s sex not intimacy, for women it’s intimacy not sex.
Intimacy is being close to someone on an emotional level to the point where you feel you merge together. It is often associated with a close sexual relationship. This is where men find it confusing. Women almost always connect intimacy with an emotional state that can lead to sex, men connect intimacy with the emotional state that follows sex.
It is critical that you understand the difference. Sex is a physical act that is central to any intimate relationship. It results, though, from the emotions bound up in the relationship and does not, itself, create those emotions.
(Barbara de Angelis)
It was only when I learnt to feel the energy of a woman that I truly understood what intimacy was.
When I started practicing Tantra I started to learn that sex was not the issue. I found that when I just hold my partner closely for a significant period I can feel her energy, feel what is happening inside her. Whether this was before or after sex made no difference. But when sex is enclosed within it, then the experience was transformed.
In the mornings and evenings I take time to practice this with my partner. It is critical to our relationship that we stay in touch with each other and feel what is happening.
If you are in a relationship today’s challenge is a practical one, if you aren’t then think back to when you were. The challenge seeks to re-create an experience of pure emotion in silence relying solely on the energy that exists.
- Find time today to hold your partner in an intimate embrace. It is preferable if you are lying down. Just hold each other, don’t move, don’t talk.
- Feel the energy between you. Hold this for a significant period of time and feel whether intimacy grows. If not understand what you are feeling.
- Is this something that has been part of your life in the past? Is this something that improves your connection with your partner?
- Talk about this with your partner so you understand what it was like for them as well. Hold all these feelings in you and commit to expanding on them.
Other Posts in the series 'Dealing With Chaos'
- 06. Do You Need, Desire Or Love
- 07. Show Me How To Control Others
- 09. Suffering Is Resistance To Pain
- 10. Look for the Learning in Emotional Pain
- 11. Are You Seeking The Truth?
- 12. Can You Look Forwards And Backwards?
- 13. Do You Blame Or Take Responsibility?
- 14. Are You Aware Of Your Masculinity?
- 15. Enjoy the Dusk, Celebrate the Day
- 16. Dealing With Chaos - Acceptance
- 17. Do You Accept Your Personalities?
- 18. What Do You Like About Yourself?
- 19. What Don’t You Like About Yourself?
- 20. What Would You Like To Change?
- 21. What Are You Willing To Do To Change?
- 22. Describe The Ideal You, The New You
- 23. How Will You Achieve Change?
- 24. Is Your Life A Construction Site Or A Garden?
- 25. How To Live With Uncertainty
- 26. Can You Let Go Of Your Ego?
- 27. Can You Now Accept Who You Are?
- 28. Enjoying The Person You Are
- 29. Celebrate Who You Are - Be Outrageous!
- 30. Dealing With Chaos - Authenticity
- 31. Do You Live Your Life At Full Potential?
- 32. What Vision Do You Have?
- 33. Do You Walk Your Talk?
- 34. What Are Your Spheres Of Influence?
- 35. How Do You Use Your Sexuality?
- 36. How Are You And Your Family?
- 37. How Do You Use Your Power And Strength?
- 38. Can Others Rely On You?
- 39. What Are You Dishonest About?
- 40. What Will You Stake Your Life On?
- 41. What Is Passion? What Drives You?
- 42. Do You Know Your Truth? Do You Speak It?
- 43. What Will Life Look Like Now?
- 44. Dealing With Chaos - Participants Open Their Hearts
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I have found that Yoga has enabled me to balance my personality and find my 'Still Point'. I use it to observe myself and deepen my masculinity with compassion, awareness and understanding. It has transformed me into a man who is both more alive and calmer.- November 2, 2016
Today I Felt the Shame of Being a Man
Graham experiences what it is like to be woman who is not listened to and suppressed. He looks at what men can do to fill this gender gap. Today I felt the pain of being a woman… Today I felt the shame of being a man…- October 26, 2016
Obesity in Men: What Is The Truth
Britain’s fattest man, Carl Thompson, was 33 years old and weighed 65 stone when he died in 2015. For those not from Britain, that is 410 kilos or 910 pounds. He was housebound, bed-ridden and alone. This was a man whose life had moved out of balance, and who ended up in a miserable, early death. This is an example of the issue of obesity in men.- October 16, 2016