There is a famous quotation from an unknown author, “Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.”
While this is a great joke, there is a lot of truth there—at least as far as women are concerned! Men are reputed to not be emotional beings, the greater truth is that they hide their emotions from women.
Because of this blank wall women make up how they think men work. They generally get it wrong, not because they’re stupid but because they genuinely don’t understand. Men, unfortunately, do nothing to help women understand, and so the confusion goes on.
The joke reveals the two major attitudes that women have to men, the two major sources of their knowledge and lack of understanding. This is a unique and powerful book. It is a record of a series of conversations with Christopher Howard on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. In them both Chris and myself opened ourselves up in a very personal and revealing way. We held nothing back and explored what it is to be men.
Journey to the Core of the Masculine
'Conversations about Men & Masculinity' and
'A 40 Day Challenge for Men'
This is a unique and powerful book. It is a record of a series of conversations with Christopher Howard on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. In them both Chris and myself opened ourselves up in a very personal and revealing way. We held nothing back and explored what it is to be men.
The first emotion that women feel from men is as mothers. Their sons always seem to be hungry and seem to eat anything that’s put in front of them.
I am the youngest of three boys and my mother worked overtime to feed us and our father. There was always competition between us as to who could finish first so we could get ‘seconds’. As a result we ate fast, without enough appreciation. Later in life my mother showed her affection for me by feeding me. It was the only way she knew.
Many mothers never let their sons escape from the bonds of their love and care. They are frightened to let go and let their sons loose on the world. They maintain their hold over them and stifle their sons attempts to grow and become men.
Even worse, too many men never let go of their mothers. They hold on to the comfort they felt in their mother’s arms and move on in life looking for a partner who will continue to provide that care and comfort. This is often the cause of strife in relationships over simple things like household chores. It’s not that men expect women to do the work, it’s that men are used to their mother’s creating a bubble around them.
It was years before I realised I was as responsible as my wife for looking after the house. I had to get out from the bubble and become a man to get there.
Then there is sex. Men only want one thing! Men cannot go for longer than two minutes without thinking about sex.
Yes. there’s a lot of truth there. There is a genetic imperative built into a man’s testosterone fueled body that is hard to resist.
This doesn’t mean he can’t resist it. We are long past the days when men were incapable of controlling themselves. We can take responsibility for our sexuality.
Unfortunately too many men still see women as pieces of meat for their satisfaction. Too many men live in a culture where men are expected to be dominant. Rape is so common around the world that it is ignored by most people.
Girls, today, encourage this attitude by trying to ape men with their drinking and blatant sexuality. This in no way excuses the men or blames the women it just shows a culture that doesn’t care any more. Sex is so prevalent that men are seen as being only about sex.
What Are Women To Do?
Stop treating men as just hungry or horny!
This doesn’t mean that men will change, it just gives them the space to change.
As a woman you need to see yourself as powerful and feminine. You can see yourself as powerful not in relation to men but in relation to yourself.
You can be a feminist goddess or a dependent.
A feminist works to right the wrongs of male domination by fighting men and trying to establish women as powerful as men. There is nothing wrong with this as such it just seems to me they try to ape men and establish power in a male context. Men tend to react against them and fight back.
A goddess works to right the wrongs of male domination by becoming powerful within themselves. They seek to establish their own criteria that balance men and encourage men to change. Men tend to see how things can be different and work with them.
A dependent just sees men as hungry and horny and continues to justify their lives through subservience to men, which really means controlling men.
What are you? Feminist, Goddess or Dependent?
—Photo JNono Fara/Flickr
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