How To Love Yourself—The Key to your Amazing Future

Men are often confused about themselves. Men frequently think that they are unimportant. Men think loving is for women. Men will look at you in horror if you talk to them about how to love yourself.

Men are often confused about themselves. Men frequently think that they are unimportant. Men think loving is for women. Men will look at you in horror if you talk to them about how to love yourself. That is so sad!

Do you know what love is? Do you know who you are? Can you honestly say that you know how to love yourself. This concept probably means nothing to you, it is outside your realm of experience. It is as if someone came up to you and asked you how to get to Mars, you would have no idea how to answer.

This is a unique and powerful book. It is a record of a series of conversations with Christopher Howard on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. In them both Chris and myself opened ourselves up in a very personal and revealing way. We held nothing back and explored what it is to be men.

It is critical, however, that you put aside your scepticism and allow me to speak to you about this. This is the key to the rest of your life. This is the key to you creating and having a great relationship with your significant other. As I have often said, loving yourself is the start of being able to love others. When I talk about love I am not talking about something soppy, but I am talking about opening yourself up to who you are, how brilliant you are and to what you are capable of if you just give yourself the opportunity.

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Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love yourself:

1. Start by accepting it is possible

If you are unable to love yourself, you are unable to love someone else.

Understanding this is critical to creating a great life for yourself. You have to be able to understand what this means for you.

Loving yourself is the basis of life and the basis of a balanced personality. If you have troubled relationships, at any level, you should look, first of all, to yourself, this isalways where the trouble lies.

2. Tell yourself you love yourself

This is not about fake it till you make it, this is about trying it out for size.

This means saying the words so understand and are in no doubt about it. You love yourself. Communication is critical, even with yourself. Do not think—in any way—that this is silly, it is not

This process is about getting used to something that you have so far rejected. It is time to stop that behaviour and treat yourself seriously.

3. Just love yourself for yourself

What you feel about yourself is not conditional, it is not based on being something one day. This is honesty at work.

I am sure you have been in the position of saying to yourself, when I am rich/famous/in a relationship/not at home… I will… That is not good enough. This is about who and how you are now, no buts, no ifs, no conditions.

You are who you are and it is time you take that on board and accept that in this moment you are perfect. It does not imply stagnation, it is not forever. Your current perfection is good enough. You are good enough. You may get better, that is OK, but you need to be absolutely OK with yourself NOW!

4. Live in your power

Whilst as a man you may become an emotional being you must not stop being yourself.

Your view of yourself should come from the power inside, from your very soul. It must be part of your power as a man and it must be part of how you live.

You must remain just who you are, you must be the man you always wanted to be. Your masculine strength is part of your core. Don’t ever let yourself down.

5. Don’t live in the past

Never dwell on the past and use it to judge yourself.

Life will not always treat you well and you certainly don’t always treat life well. Things go wrong and you mess up. Strife in relationships is something to let go of once it’s over, it’s something to let slip into the past.

Learn the lessons and move on ensuring that you don’t go there again. Move on and live, always, in the present.

6. Get to know yourself

How often do you say, “Life is a bitch.” What you really mean is, “I don’t know what to do.”

Love for yourself can only grow and deepen through understanding. You can never get to the point where you know everything about yourself. You are a complex person and you need to work on your understanding.

You need to understand and get to know yourself with patience and determination.

7. Count your blessings

Count the blessings you have, the things you have achieved, all that you are as a man.

This should be a regular part of your life. While I said, above, don’t live in the past, it’s ok to recount the great things in the past. This must be tempered with looking at the amazing things you are going to do in the future.

As a rule of thumb it is advisable to expect a future way beyond one that you can imagine. Expectations can lead to frustration if they limit you, expecting them to go way beyond is a good step into the future.

8. Give love, always

Love is about giving rather than receiving.

Love is a creative force that grows out of the desire to give more than you receive.

It is crucial that you are able to receive the love that is offerred to you by others else it quickly dies, but you have to focus on the contribution you make to others. “Give and you shall receive”, but give without expecting anything in return.

9. Pay attention to yourself

You need to take care of yourself all the time.

It is absolutely vital that you understand this. Many of the annoying habits that you have are merely because you are not looking after yourself. Take heed of them and pay attention.

Men are focused and directed and you can easily lose yourself in what you are doing. This is one of the qualities that many women love in their men, but not to the exclusion of them. You need to find a balance that shows how important your life is to you without losing your passion for your mission.

10. Start afresh each day

Start again as if it was the first day of your life.

Welcome yourself into your world and look forward to your day. Give yourself love and attention.

This refreshing of your view of yourself will keep you alive and help you to see yourself in a different light. Through this your appreciation will deepen and become an essential part of your day.

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So what does it mean to love yourself?

It means you have an overwhelming emotion that you are ok, an emotion that you can’t truly explain but you can’t get rid of.

It makes you want to enjoy life, with passion and purpose.

It makes you feel great and totally transforms your life.

Love is the power house behind our lives, it is the reason we live.

[post_list name=”Love”]

6 comments

  1. Giacomo says:

    Hi Graham, thank you so much for your writings, so profound and loving! I’d like to ask you to write about e.g. : “10 agreements between partners to keep the relationship sparkling” as a conversation starter for new lovers.

    • Graham Reid Phoenix says:

      Thank you for that, Giacomo, I really appreciate it. What a great idea for a new post, I’ll get working on it.

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