Become A Man in 21 Days

Men, you get advice all the time about how to live, but you are wasting your time unless you take action. You need to look at your life and change it if the advice is going to mean anything. Do something to become a man.

I want to make it easier for you to take the action you need to take to put your life in order. I have created and listed 21 actions, below, you can take in your life. They are all specific, practical actions that will improve your life.

Create A Vision

The 21 actions have been split into 3 sections, each covering a week. The intention is that you focus on one action a day. The more actions you undertake, the more progress you will make. Here are the first seven days. When you are complete use the tabs to move to the next week.

Day 1: Create A Vision For Your Life

Why:

So you can have confidence in the direction your life is taking.

What:

  • Create a vision board.
  • Write a relationship vision.
  • Write down how you would like others to see you.

How:

  • Vision board: collect magazines, cut out images and phrases that resonate with you, and paste them onto a large sheet of paper. Build an instinctive view of your future.
  • Relationship vision: Write how you see yourself with your partner – the energy, how you are together, what you do, what is important – then seal it in an envelope and only open it again when you are in your relationship. You will be amazed.
  • Write about yourself from the perspective of other people, how would you like to appear to them.

Right Now:

Go and write about yourself in ten years time. What are you doing and how do you feel.

More Information:

“Great Relationships – Don’t Faint When I Say Men Can Create Them”

Day 2: Develop Yourself Towards That Vision

Why:

Without this the vision is pointless.

What:

  • Go to a personal development seminar.
  • Read a book that will help you grow.
  • Find a course to take.

How:

  • Check out people like Tony Robbins, T Harv Eker or Chris Howard. Swallow your fear, or your judgement, and go, let the ideas come and let the seminar leaders show you want you are not seeing.
  • Look at the areas of life that you need to shift and find books that will help you with the journey. There are books for everything. Look at reading one book a month that is specifically designed for your improvement. You can never know it all.
  • There are many online courses you can take, check a source like ‘The en*theos Academy’. Remember to budget for these every year.

Right Now:

Go and find a book on your shelves that you have not yet read, that will help you, start reading it right away.

More Information:

The en*theos Academy

Day 3: Record And Resolve Your Past Life

Why:

Clear out your past conditioning to open the way for your development.

What:

  • Look at how your parents influenced you.
  • How have your attitudes developed over the years?
  • What have been the key points in your life?

How:

  • Write down what you needed to be for your father and what you did not need to be for him. Do the same for your mother. Write letters to them on how you have developed under their influence. You should seal these in envelopes and have a ceremony to burn them.
  • How positive or negative is your view of life? Look at how you have been influenced by others in developing these.
  • Go through each year of your life and write down the key points that influenced you. Decide if that’s how you would have wanted to be.

Right Now:

Get a notebook and start a journal right away. Start by writing your obituary.

More Information:

“My Father Was An Angry Man”

Day 4: Look After Your Body

Why:

To live and enjoy a long, productive life.

What:

  • Start exercising.
  • Review what you eat.
  • Check out your health.

How:

  • Start gently with walking, loosen up your body, create a habit you can sustain.
  • Don’t go on a diet but review the balance of vegetables and junk food, sugar and wheat in your diet. How could you improve it. Learn more about nutrition.
  • Get a regular check up with your doctor. Don’t let things like cancer or heart disease creep up on you unawares.

Right Now:

Go out for a walk, today, and think about how it makes you feel.

More Information:

“The Meditation Diet: How I Lost 60+ lbs. by Savoring”

Day 5: Look After Your Mind And Soul

Why:

To create inner peace and support your physical improvements.

What:

  • Start meditating.
  • Look at what your soul purpose is.
  • Arrange specific times for yourself in your schedule.

How:

  • Start by just sitting quietly for 10 minutes a day. Let your mind be itself, don’t try to control it. When you have done this for a complete month investigate how you can develop it.
  • Why did you choose to be born when you were and to your family? Write this down in your journal.
  • You should set aside times just for yourself to relax and be with yourself. Arrange a method of identifying these times to your family, so they respect them.

Right Now:

After reading this stop and just be silent.

More Information:

Meditation: The Most Fundamental Habit

Day 6: Do What You Want To Do

Why:

So you live your life and others see that you do.

What:

  • Decide how you want to live your life.
  • Set your boundaries.
  • Communicate what you are doing to others.

How:

  • Do you want to live for your work or do you want to create a lifestyle that allows your work to take its place. What is most important in your life?
  • In order to live the lifestyle that you want, what boundaries do you need to set. What will you not accept in your life? Where will you draw a line in the sand?
  • Talk to your intimate partner, your family, your business partners and your friends about how your life interacts with them. gently guide them to understand how you live your life and how you would like them to be involved in your life.

Right Now:

What is the one thing you want to do that you have never started? Plan to put it into action right away.

More Information:

“Walls Are Ambiguous, Two-Faced – Just Like The Boundaries We Set”

Day 7: Clear Out Your Stuff

Why:

Release the blocks and tensions in your life, free yourself for an amazing future.

What:

  • Release your attachment to things in your life.
  • Plan to clear out your debt.
  • Look at the triggers that cause you to gather stuff around you.

How:

  • It’s not that you have to clear everything out, just let go of your attachments. Keep the things you need but bring freedom to your life by lifting the weight of your past staring at you.
  • We hang on to debt out of an idea that it allows us to do more. Understand the reality is the opposite. Find and get involved in a debt destruction program.
  • Look at the emotional triggers that encourage you to go shopping and buy stuff. Work on releasing them.

Right Now:

Put some stuff you do not use into a box, seal it and put it away. Write the date on the top. If you have not opened it in six months throw or give it away.

More Information:

“7 Things I Know About Active LettingGo”


Purpose And Relationships

Last week your actions around becoming a man were focused on vision and clarity. This week we move on to purpose and relationships.

The idea is to make it easier for you to take the action you need to take, to put your life in order. This week we have actions 8 to 14. They are all specific, practical actions that will improve your life.

How did you get on with the actions last week? Did you find that focusing on them helped you to build your inner strength? It is not important that you do all the actions, decide which are most appropriate for you.

The more actions you undertake, the more progress you will make.

Day 8: Review Your Friends

Why:

You are the average of the five people you spend most time with.

What:

  • Look at who you spend most time with.
  • Decide if they match your vision.
  • Plan how to change them if necessary.

How:

  • Write down the 10 people you spend most time with: colleagues, family or friends.
  • Work out the top three values for each of them. Do those values align with yours.
  • If you are to grow and develop you may need to re-arrange the time you spend with them. Maybe you need to let some of them go? Maybe you need some new friends. This can make an enormous difference to your life.

Right Now:

Who is the one person you spend time with that saps your energy, how can you change this immediately.

More Information:

“How the People Around You Affect Personal Success”

Day 9: Look At Your Strengths And Weaknesses

Why:

So you can learn to look at yourself with an appreciative eye.

What:

  • Evaluate your strengths.
  • Evaluate your weaknesses.
  • Work out how to appreciate yourself more.

How:

  • What are things you are good at? What do people praise you for? What have you been successful at? Analyse these and work out your top three strengths.
  • Do the same for your failures, work out your top three weaknesses.
  • Whenever you are looking at yourself and your capabilities spend 80% of the time looking at your top three strengths and only 20% on your weaknesses, always look at the strengths first.

Right Now:

What is you greatest strength? Write down how you can improve this over the next week.

More Information:

“Strengths and weaknesses (personality)”

Day 10: Join A Men’s Group

Why:

To learn how to grow as a man while learning what a man is.

What:

  • Join a regular men’s meeting.
  • Share the changes you are making in your life.
  • Receive and accept the feedback you get.

How:

  • Look up organisations such as ‘The Mankind Project’ or ‘Men’s Division International’ and enquire about local Men’s groups. Keep investigating until you find one. Go along to a meeting.
  • Share where you are, where you want to get to and what you doing to get there. Be open and authentic.
  • Listen to what the other men share about their lives and take on board what they say. There is always a message there for you.

Right Now:

Do some research on Google and see if there is a group in travelling distance for you.

More Information:

“Guiding Principles of a Men’s Group – and of Being a Man”

Day 11: Get A Coach Or Mentor

Why:

You need an objective view to see yourself properly.

What:

  • Decide what areas of your life could be improved.
  • Get a coach or mentor to help you review them.
  • Take action on what you discuss.

How:

  • It is important to assess what kind of coach you need. It could be you need help with your sexuality, your relationship or your life direction. There are are always areas that you need help with.
  • Dig around, ask for recommendations, and find a coach/mentor specific to the area you want to cover. There will always be a coach/mentor who can help you. Many do work by phone or Skype, so distance need not be a problem.
  • Take what the coach advises seriously. They see from the outside and can usually spot things that you might never notice. They are trained to help you succeed in whatever area they deal in.

Right Now:

What is the one area you need help with? Write down how you would like to change this area. Do you know someone who could help you?

More Information:

“Sat Purusha”

Day 12: Find Your Life Purpose And Focus On It

Why:

For life to matter it should have a purpose and for you to matter you should focus on achieving it.

What:

  • Carry out a life purpose exercise.
  • Look at how you match it now.
  • Plan how you can grow your focus on living that purpose.

How:

  • Steve Pavlina has a great life purpose exercise on his blog, see below. It’s about searching until you hit something that brings tears to your eyes. Whatever method you use, pursue it until you know you have the right answer.
  • Then you need to compare what you have discovered with the life you are leading now and the vision you have created, identify any differences.
  • Plan how you can incorporate your purpose into your life and how you can focus on it. Do you need to adjust your working life or your lifestyle?

Right Now:

Sit and meditate for ten minutes and see if you can focus on what you think your life purpose is.

More Information:

“How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes”

Day 13: Learn To Dress To Impress

Why:

To be respected you need to respect those you are with.

What:

  • Review your wardrobe in relation to your age.
  • Look at how your woman dresses to go out.
  • Ask her how she would like to see you dress to make her feel great.

How:

  • Men, on the whole, are less dress conscious than women. They often go through life without ever looking at their wardrobe as a whole. I often see men in middle age still wearing jeans and t-shirt. They can look ridiculous. It is important to accept what age you are and dress accordingly.
  • Women dress up when they go out and men frequently do not notice. Give your woman your presence and notice when she is making an effort to be fabulous. That is a big hint that it would help if you did the same.
  • To learn how to dress to kill, talk to your partner and ask her what would make her feel great. Listen to what she says and plan to implement it.

Right Now:

Go and change your clothes for smart ones, straight after finishing this. See how it makes you feel.

More Information:

“How To Attract Women or What puts Women off Men?”

Day 14: Learn To Love And Practice Intimacy

Why:

Your connections with others grow out of how you love them and how you respect their view of intimacy.

What:

  • Let go of the male obsession with sex.
  • Learn the intimacy your woman seeks.
  • Let a new approach to sex grow out of your love for her.

How:

  • It is easy for men to feel that sex is essential to them and, therefore, to pursue it for the immediate satisfaction. Do not focus on it as the connection between you and your partner, or you will not be able to get beyond it. If you have an obsession with pornography then you need to deal with that as a specific addiction.
  • Women seek intimacy before sex, this is often more important to them. Talk to your partner about intimacy and what it means to her. Try an exercise on intimacy without sex, by holding her close for an extended time without talking. Feel the energy between you.
  • Let a new view of sex grow between you out of your joint energy. Do not force it but let it flow naturally.

Right Now:

Go and give your partner a hug and tell her you love her.

More Information:

“Men And Intimacy – Why Do They Shy Away?”


Leadership And Presence

This is the third and last week of the 21 day exercise in becoming a man. After vision and clarity, and purpose and relationships, we finish on leadership and presence.

This week actions 15 to 21 take you down the road of leadership and how to be a role model. To achieve this it is important to be present with others. This week is a crucial one in becoming a man.

The more actions you undertake, the more progress you will make.

You may have already incorporated some of these into your life, but I guarantee you haven’t done all of them, I have not.

Day 15: Release Your Anger, Become Vulnerable

Why:

Expressing the full spread of your emotions allows shame to dissipate and you to connect with yourself.

What:

  • Accept your anger, whether it is expressed or suppressed.
  • Determine to not let your emotions control you.
  • Notice your emotional responses and how you can connect with them.

How:

  • Anger can be deep-seated in many men, it can result from a deep frustration in childhood. A natural reaction is to suppress by using anger management. The best solution is to accept as an essential part of yourself. It is a part that helps you achieve and create. Once you accept it you can use it for good and not be afraid of it.
  • When anger takes you over, you are being controlled by your emotions. When you use anger for something creative, you are controlling your emotions. This can happen with any emotion that is inside you. Once you determine to be in control of yourself, your relationship with your emotions can change dramatically.
  • As you live your life, notice the emotions you feel and, especially, watch the responses you have to what people say or do. Write these down and look at how you can make these reposes more part of you, rather than simply automatic. Decide how you want to respond and create ways of achieving this.

Right Now:

When was the last time you got angry? Write down what happened and why?

More Information:

“Letting Go Of Anger – It Is Right But It Kicks You In The Gut”

Day 16: Add Contribution To Your Life

Why:

Give your life meaning by giving meaning to other people’s lives.

What:

  • In what areas could you develop an ability to contribute to others.
  • Agree your approach or method with the other people involved.
  • Put a regular period in your schedule to do this.

How:

  • Think of at least one area of life in the outside world where you can get involved simply to help and contribute to others. It does not have to be about changing the world or be something public. It would be best if it you do something direct rather than just giving money. The direct connection with others in need is crucial to contribution.
  • Where necessary talk about what you are going to do with other people involved. Contribution should not mean forcing your ideas onto others. Your wishes should be subservient to theirs.
  • To be effective this should be done on a regular basis. It does not matter what the period is, just that there is a consistency to it.

Right Now:

When was the last time you freely gave to others? Could you repeat this in the next few days?

More Information:

“Tony Robbins: Why We Do What We Do”

Day 17: Practice Being Present

Why:

The presence of a man is powerful and is the core of a great relationship.

What:

  • Become aware of how you give your attention to others.
  • Ask those close to you how present they feel you are.
  • Learn to clear your mind of your thoughts when with others.

How:

  • Whenever you are with another person, whether it is your partner or not, you have an opportunity to be present with them. Being present is giving all your attention to them, what they are saying and what they are doing. Monitor how much this is focused on the other person and not on yourself.
  • Ask others you spend time with, especially your woman, how present they feel you are with them. This is not something to disagree with, just accept what you are given and do something with it.
  • When you spend time with others focus yourself on them and where they are. Let your needs fade away and theirs become important. Learn to let go of your thoughts and let the thoughts of others fill your mind.

Right Now:

Were you present when you were last with your woman? If yes, is this normal? If not, why not?

More Information:

“A Simple Guide to Being Present for the Overworked and Overwhelmed”

Day 18: Be A Leader, Finish What You Start

Why:

Your family looks for your leadership and follows it by modelling what you do.

What:

  • Look at what your leadership style is.
  • Be aware of how much you dominate others.
  • Develop your ability to lead purely by example.

How:

  • We all have a leadership style, whether we realise it or not. Mine is to lead from within a team, looking at what is or is not working, re-organising and filling the gaps so we achieve our goals. Some people like to lead from in front, telling others what to do. What is your style? Look at when you have lead in the past, how has it worked?
  • It is easy to confuse leading with controlling others. Leaders only exist because people follow them. Look at how much you dominate others by assessing how much you take what they think into consideration. Do you decide what will happen and impose that decision on others?
  • One of the most powerful ways of leading is to do what you think should be done and let others follow you. That is the approach that was taken by Gandhi, and he came to lead a country. It is your example that is important, not what you say.

Right Now:

Where in your life are you a leader? How to you go about this? Does it need to be changed? If so, how?

More Information:

“Men of Action – Make The World Go Round Or Cause Chaos”

Day 19: Be Accountable, Stop Persuading, Stop Arguing

Why:

Stand up for what you believe in and influence others by your actions, not your words.

What:

  • Resolve what you believe in, what you would die for.
  • Look at whether you live authentically to this.
  • Be accountable for what you say and do.

How:

  • To be strong in yourself it is essential to know what you believe in. You can test this by realising what you would stand up for and what you would die for. We all have something we would die for, otherwise armies would not exist. Would it be your family, your spiritual beliefs, your love of your country or just your right to freedom?
  • Having understood your beliefs you need to look at whether you live authentically to them. Do they just feel good or are they central to your life. How do you live your life? Do you live to realise your vision or do you just deal with what happens day by day.
  • When you stand up and are accountable for what you believe in, for what you do, you need to be accountable. Do you do what you say you will do? Do you treat others according to your beliefs? Do you own up to how you behave?

Right Now:

When was the last time you tried to persuade someone to your pint of view? When was that and what did you want to chi eve it?

More Information:

“Six Tips to Hold Yourself Accountable for Keeping Your Resolutions.”

Day 20: Give Without Thought Of Receiving

Why:

The world needs givers who create and teach, to change the energy of the future.

What:

  • Look at your balance of giving and receiving, where do you lie in this balance.
  • Look at how you could give more in your life.
  • Record your gratitude for the times when you become able to give.

How:

  • Are you a giver or a taker, what is the balance in your life. Look at what you expect from others as opposed to what you expect to give to others.
  • What areas are there in your life where you could give more. It is not about reducing the taking but giving more. How could you brighten someone’s life today?
  • Start a gratitude journal and, each day, record the times you were able to give to someone else and record your gratitude for this. Look over it from time to time and remind yourself how grateful you are that you are in a position to do this.

Right Now:

When did you last give? How did it make you feel?

More Information:

“The Go-Giver”

Day 21: Understand The Difference Between Men And Women

Why:

We are different while still being equal, understand the differences allows you to support and empower women.

What:

  • Look closely at how you behave to your woman, how demanding are you.
  • Look at how your woman tries to influence you in positive, creative ways.
  • Decide how you can support what your woman wants in life.

How:

  • Do you expect your woman to behave like you? Do you get frustrated because she does not do what you want? Do you find yourself demanding that she does things a certain way? Take a note of how demanding you are with her.
  • Be aware of how much she tries to influence you in what you do. Do you accept or reject this influence? Do you think she is just nagging you or do you think she is genuinely trying to help you?
  • Look at how much you support your woman in what she wants to do in life. Are your needs more important than hers? Do you give her the time to live her life or do you demand that you have the space to do what is important to you? Can you change this? How would it help?

Right Now:

Did you take any action to support your woman this week? Is there anything you can do today?

More Information:

“What Causes Men To Change – Is It Women Who Drive Them?”


The key to making many of the actions above work for you is consistency. Many of them need to become habit before you’ll experience maximum benefits, but taking the recommended actions above will get you started.

You don’t have to do everything on this list, just pick the ones that you think will work best for you.

Thank you for taking part over the three weeks, keep coming back to these articles on a regukar basis and take it a bit further.

The key is to take action.