If You Can Keep Your Head – You’ll Be A Man

'If' by Rudyard Kipling is a poem that speaks to the heart of a masculinity that is rare today.

The idea of being a man, today, has been caught up in a gender discussion that is purely political. It was started by the feminist movement to help women stake a claim to equality in a male dominated world.

There is nothing wrong with that discussion, indeed it’s one that is necessary, but it should not dominate all thought and discussion about men, manhood and masculinity.

In the poem Kipling does not talk about men in relation to women, he does not discuss male domination or patriarchy. He does not mention loving a woman. He discusses men in relation to other men. He explores the concept of being a man as opposed to not being a man.

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Emotional Abuse – I Still Want To Kick The Shit Out Of Him…

Being dominating and using mental and emotional abuse is as bad as being physically abusive.

I was in Glasgow with my parents on our annual trip back to Scotland to visit family. I must have been in my early teens. I went off for the day to explore the city on my own. I’ve always enjoyed walking around new and strange cities. My love of steam trains (they still existed then) took me to St Enoch Station.

Standing on the steps looking at my map and wondering where to go next, I was approached by a man seeking to help me.

I was the typical innocent abroad and trusted this man. We started talking and he offered to buy me a coffee in the station cafe. I accepted.

We sat in a quiet corner and at one point he gently took my hand and laid it on his leg. I realised my hand was on his erect penis. I was horrified and only then realised why this man was so helpful. I got away as quick as I could.

Although nothing serious happened to me this experience has remained with me for 50 years now.

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Mens Movement: ‘Awakening The New Masculine’

'Awakening The New Masculine' is a new book by Gary Stamper.

It focuses on The Path Of The Integral Warrior and is called a psychospiritual journey for men. It lays out his view of what men should aspire to based on his Integral Warrior workshops, as part of the mens movement.

It’s a brave attempt by Gary to outline a new paradigm for masculinity and provide a path for the mens movement to follow. It succeeds in outlining a spiritual path for men who are already on this type of journey, men who have already entered the castle of their own spirituality, but it fails to address what the new masculine means for ordinary men. It fails to account for the issues men face in the world of work and relationships and it fails to describe an accessible new masculine.

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David DeAngelo/Eben Pagan Finally Finds Love

I received an extraordinary email from Eben Pagan recently. That's Eben Pagan who made millions as David DeAngelo of Double Your Dating.

He is the man who is famous for popularising dating and The Game amongst men, in his own words,

… probably helped more men around the world how to be successful in dating than anyone else. Millions of men have read my newsletters, watched my videos and purchased my books and dating success programs.

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Step Up BUT Don’t Step Back

One of the biggest issues that women see in men is the inability of many men---and I mean many men---to stay true to themselves and their strength. They step up... and then... they step back.

Much of what I write about here is encouraging and helping men to step up. To step up and be a man is what so many men want. They feel weak or inadequate, or they feel fear of over-stepping the mark. They are seeking how to find, and live in, their own strength. They are looking for their Personal Masculinity.

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If I Could Hold On Through The Tears And Laughter

"And if I could hold on / Through the tears and the laughter / Would it be beautiful / Or just a beautiful disaster?"

The lyrics of a Kelly Clarkson song speak to me of the pain of love. They speak to me of the idea that love is hard but worthwhile. They speak to me of someone who doesn’t know the way out, the way through to the sunlight. What’s beyond the tears and laughter?

Love is such an over-used word that people commonly don’t know what it means. They talk about loving and being loved and all they see is connection. But what is the connection? Is it need, desire, control or love?

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Can Women Do What Men Do?

I counter the ‘equality’ of Gloria Steinem and the assumprions behind it.

Over at Good Men Project—Good Feed, we heard Gloria Steinem say, “We know that women can do what men can do, but we don’t know that men can do what women can do.”

They are extraordinary assertions that cry out to be challenged, not just the statements but also the assumptions behind them.

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Surrender is the Tenderest Impulse of the Heart

Surrender is being alert to exactly what is happening now, not in the past.

It is common to see relationships as battlegrounds where couples act out their needs and desires. Relationships are where people most often seek to control another person. Relationships fail more often than they succeed because people try to manipulate them into what they want.

When did you last look with detachment at your intimate or most important relationship? When did you last honestly appraise it and work out what it really means to you? Have you ever done this with compassion and understanding?

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He Is A Rogue — He Has The Best Male Blog

I am a man and I am a blogger. In fact I’ve turned it back on itsel—I blog about men!

Now, some men are rogues. We all know rogues: they are focused, calculating, dedicated, and only want one thing. These are the qualities of a real rogue—and the qualities of a successful blogger.

Look at what Chris Guillebeau, at Art of Non-Conformity, said:

The reality that I need to work more than I thought has required some sacrifices I did not expect in the beginning, and it took me a while to become comfortable with this.

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