This is for all those men who are wondering how to be a man in these times, how to live a great life.
There is a lot of pressure on men from all sides, pressure to justify, pressure to perform. The answer is simple, let the intellectuals and the activists argue about the state of men and look at yourself and how you live.
“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyse you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”
(Bernice Johnson Reagon)
In my view there are six areas of living a great life to focus on:
1. Love Yourself
This is the primary gift you can give yourself. It’s an act of selfishness to love yourself, it’s a supreme act of giving. If you are unable to love yourself you are unable to love someone else.
To love yourself you need to be grounded and certain of who you are. You need to connect with yourself and learn how to live your life as yourself. Your friends will be glad to know someone so strong and in control of himself.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
2. Your Core Masculinity
It’s important to get in touch with the maleness that you were born with. This is the sense of being a man that was imprinted in your brain in the womb. Many men struggle because they believe the lie that it is all a social construct. It isn’t, you were born a man in many ways.
It helps to be focused and clear about what was intended for your life. Learn to enjoy who you are and accept the creative challenge of growing and developing yourself. Don’t stay still and live on what you were, but hold that as the solid foundation of the life you build for yourself.
“To me the definition of true masculinity – and femininity, too – is being able to lay in your own skin comfortably.”
3. Love Others
Learn how to love others: friends, family, intimate partner, even enemies. Show them how solid you are and how fearless you are, what a great life you lead.
You need to separate love from desire or neediness and let it stand on it’s own. Learn how to be contained in yourself and how to provide a container of love for those close to you in your great life. Hold them in an embrace that allows them to fly to freedom with your love.
Live at your full potential and draw others into that circle of strength and love.
“And what do all the great words come to in the end, but that? I love you — I am at rest with you — I have come home.”
4. Your Personal Masculinity
The masculinity you build for yourself is the one that will carry you through life. This is the masculinity that comes, like a Phoenix, out of the fire of all the influences that bear down on you: from family, peers, teachers and the media. Out of this you will make the choices and forge your own masculinity. You will not be a stereotype but an individual, you will be you.
Learn how to be dynamic with energy and flow. Harness the power of your masculinity and use it to show compassion and understanding of others. Be generous, you know you have nothing to lose.
Full engage with your passion and create your success through your dynamism.
“A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors.”
5. Love Your Partner
Focus your love on your intimate partner, give her love without expecting anything in return. She needs you attention and she needs to know you love her. Don’t ever assume she knows what you think or what you feel, you need to be open and honest without displaying your inadequacies to her.
At all times you should be present with her, making her the most important person in your life. Yes, you need to focus on your work and follow your direction in life but you also need to show her that she comes first. Find the balance in this, the balance that doesn’t come from neediness.
Live in authenticity, feel your emotions and love her.
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
6. Your Sexuality
Live in and love your sexuality but don’t use it to dominate and control. It will grow naturally out of the power and strength of your personal masculinity, let it develop and encourage it. This sexuality can be a terrible weapon, though, so use it carefully and lovingly.
It is important to understand how much intimacy and polarity play a role in your sexuality and in your great life. You need to be emotionally intimate with your partner, you need to love beyond physical desire. The polarity that will exist between you will be the powerhouse of your love and your passion, encourage it and guard it well.
Always us what you have to drive your vision and to build your life.
“Freud’s view is that all love is sexual in its origin or its basis. Even those loves which do not appear to be sexual or erotic have a sexual root or core. They are all sublimations of the sexual instinct.”
Celebrate A Great Life
Keep these areas in your focus and you can’t go wrong in living a great life and loving. Let those with an axe to grind go about their business of grinding, all you have to do is stand firm and know who you are.
Every day is the most important day in your life. So remember to live, love and celebrate this day as the man you are.