The message America needs right now
I am not American so the effect of the result on me is indirect, that does not, however, lessen my horror with the result and fear for the future.
I am not American so the effect of the result on me is indirect, that does not, however, lessen my horror with the result and fear for the future.
This is where all the lessons are pulled together to teach you how to love a woman. It starts with your ‘personal masculinity’, that is the masculinity you create for yourself. It is on this basis that others will see you as a man. Adding being dynamic in yourself, in your life and in your relationship, along with bringing variety into them, will create the edge that makes a difference. It will give you that final brick in the wall.
A personal approach to masculinity and male behaviour rejects a single approach to being a man in favour of one that gels with your personality and energy. It is based on the triad of:
There is a sense of focus and direction in the way a man who knows himself operates. This sense comes from the strength of his presence and certainty. This is what women see in men and love. It is the knowledge of themselves that creates the power of a man, a quiet, knowing power. He doesn’t need to do anything he just is.
Every man has a particular, different style of masculinity. What they have in common is that they know who they are and what they want; they have awareness, acceptance and authenticity. Be bold in your life, make sure it is one you have chosen and stand by.
A dynamic person is charismatic. Being dynamic means being characterized by continuous change, activity, or progress. A dynamic person makes a difference in the world; a person who creates change. Many dynamic people change the lives and destinies of millions of people, their work is known to all. There are also those whose work is not so well known, yet they are dynamic because they change the world in their own small way. The magnitude of the work is unimportant, the world is different because you have lived in it. Being dynamic,
Having stamina means you will have both physical and mental resistance. Rather than having peaks of energy, people with stamina are able to stay more focused and maintain a steady level of activity. They are able to do more without getting fatigued or losing concentration.
Stamina determines how active you are in your daily life. For many, stamina is elusive. Many feel tired after a hard day at work and feel less energetic at the end of the day.
Successful people seem to have unlimited reserves of stamina! Having stamina is one of the characteristics of a successful person. Having stamina helps them to focus and concentrate. Enthusiastic and energetic people have stamina and can overcome any kind of mental and physical exertions. Stamina improves mental alertness.
To keep a great relationship going, to inspire your partner with your masculinity and dynamism, stamina is essential. Stay excited, keep fit and you will always know how to love a woman, you’ll know how to love your woman.
I believe that as men we are all born with an in-built masculine essence, we are all masculine men. This is the basic energy that drives us from deep inside. It is the energy that determines the way we feel, and makes us happy. I believe in men with male energy.
During our life we adapt in response to events and life challenges. We do this to survive as human beings. Regardless of the nature of these events and challenges, the intensity with which we experience them shapes us during our lifetime. This adaptation is a result of a basic fear that is rooted deep inside each and every one of us, namely that we are not good enough as we are, and therefore the people that matter most to us in life won’t love us.
This fear is such a strong motivator, that we force ourselves to adapt into whatever we feel will retain that love, in order to prove to our source of love that we are worthy. It works for us in the moment, so we stick to the strategy!
It is through this adaptation that we put our authentic selves to sleep. Part of this is the masculine energy inside us. We shift away from the connection to our inner core, and leave it behind as we perceive it as too dangerous and in many cases too painful to remember.
As we grow into adulthood, this adapted masculinity becomes more confused about the role it plays in our life. There are several reasons for this.
Our fathers, mothers, teachers, peers and the media are very happy to present us with role models of masculinity and, using symbols and archetypes, construct images based on socially accepted rules as anchors for us to grab onto. We unconsciously embrace these ideals and adapt to them.
Following the growth of the strength of women, men were invited to join in household life, and women took on jobs in the workforce. This led to a reversal of roles, and more equality in the relationship. This is often referred to as ‘new’ or ‘integrated’ masculinity perhaps ‘confused’ is more appropriate.
People believed this newfound equality in relationships was the solution to many problems, in their personal life as well as in their relationships. But looking around in today’s western society, it is clear to me that something else is needed. Most people are still not feeling fulfilled. The question is why not? What else do we need?
The answer is that we need to re-awaken those parts of ourselves that are dormant within us and find our own ‘Personal Masculinity’.
Having grown through our personal life experiences to a stage of sharing and equality, men are now ready to clear up the confusion by adding their true core to the mix. This means moving away from society’s and parent’s role models and discovering who we really are at our core. One of the major elements in this is the re-awakening of our own male characteristics.
In re-awakening the dormant parts of ourselves we will become whole, and as we become whole we won’t need people or material goods around us to fill the void inside us anymore. We will be complete and from that completeness we will act and behave differently, as we connect from a place of feeling at ease within ourselves.
From this place of completeness, we will create a new type of relationship with the people around us, as we no longer feel dependent. In an intimate relationship, where a clearly defined masculine essence is present, a strong polarity is created. A polarity that can be missing in a relationship based on equality.
I deliberately move away from the overused ‘masculine’ and seek to define what I see as ‘re-awakened masculine’ men. It is my belief that we need to look at individuals as a whole, and define personal masculinity with the help of certain traits. These traits are a mixture of masculine and feminine qualities, a mixture that we are all composed of to some extent.
To determine the specific combination of masculine and feminine qualities for individuals, I have looked at a range of characteristics of the masculine and the feminine nature. I have chosen six qualities I believe are the most basic to the core masculine and six I believe are most basic to the core feminine.
The six basic qualities of masculine energy are being: Present, Focused, Potent, Dynamic, Grounded and A Leader. Our own mix of qualities that make up our personal masculinity.
The six basic qualities of feminine energy are being: Free, Spontaneous, Intuitive, Sceptical, Accepting and Nurturing.
We often find ourselves in a state of Confused Masculinity. We reject the ‘old masculine paradigm’. We reject the old macho images created by society and our peers. But we become lost as to what to replace them with. Yes, we become open, authentic, honest, but we can stray into a confused state where any sense of masculinity is lost.
We need to look to our personal masculinity, find its strength and compassion and fully live it to regain any sense of ourselves, to fully become Masculine Men.
Set aside time to think through your answers to the questions. They are intended to get you thinking about being a man. Write your answers either in this worksheet or start a journal. Also write your emotional or other reactions.
This is an exercise similar to the one you did on Core Masculinity. What you now need to do is project yourself forward to the point where you have completed this course and achieved all your objectives. Think about the same masculine and feminine qualities and rate yourself on a scale of 1-5 according to where you expect to be then, where you will be. Now look back to the results from session 3 and note the difference, identify the gap. This gap will identify the qualities you need to work on and whether you want to strengthen or weaken them. As you move forward after this course you may find it helpful to redo this from time to time.
Masculinity and femininity exist as polar opposites in sexual polarity, it is necessary that they do, but that is between two people. Within a person the situation is far more complex. The concept of six essentially masculine qualities and six essential feminine qualities helps to clarify this. Everyone has access to these qualities and can develop them. People live with they’re own combination of the qualities so that an individual’s masculinity or femininity is a matrix of the extent to which they embody the qualities.
There are six essentially masculine qualities and six essential feminine qualities. Everyone has access to these qualities. You live with your own combination of them, your masculinity is a matrix of the extent to which you embody the qualities.
Do the exercise in relation to where you are now in your masculinity. You will rate yourself against all 12 qualities where you were before embarking on the course. The rating is 1 to 5.
The masculine qualities are:
The feminine qualities are:
All of these characteristics are available to you. They act as a model to help you understand yourself. They don’t specify how to be masculine. They indicate, for you as a man, where masculinity lies.
I offer this programme to enable you to live your life to the full, make your mark in the world and step out as the man you truly are. You are a man who wants to live a passionate, independent life and who wants to integrate your life and your relationship because success. I coach through my knowledge, experience and intuition, I challenge the status quo and I offer unique solutions. I am an expert on relationships, masculinity and the intersection of certainty and vulnerability.
Working with me you will experience a shift in your relationships with colleagues, friends, family and partner. You will experience power in your life and gain control over it. You will live life out loud and be fully present with others. Your friends and family will notice significant change in how you show up as a man. You will stand with confidence, walk tall, be powerful with compassion, and speak your truth.
You will open up possibilities in your life that you had only dreamed of, they will now become realities. You will see the journey you need to make to realise the vision that creates, for you, a journey of passion.
The programme is based on a three step program:
Every human has self awareness and creative imagination. These give us the power to change.
What is your personality, what are your core beliefs? How did your upbringing affect you and constrain your development? What are you passionate about and what affects you deeply?
What is the life you are leading now and what are you doing to create it?
How do you see your life?
What is in your inner core? What characteristics were you born with?
What do you feel?
How have you been altered by your life and the people around you?
How have you reacted?
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
You have to like who you are and want to be that type of person. This is about accepting yourself, who you are and integrating all your parts. This requires openness and honesty.
If you don’t love yourself you can never find a way to love others.
Do you like who you are?
Letting go of your patterns and issues reveals the path to your true self.
Where do you want to go?
Move from your head to your heart and integrate your emotions.
Can you make this journey?
We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.
—Barbara de Angelis
Look at how you relate with other people. The intention should be to be yourself so deeply, that there is no difference between how you are to yourself and how you are with others.
It is important to know what you stand for, what you will live or die for.
What’s important to you?
Your life is meant to serve others as well as yourself, you thrive on service.
How are you going to give back?
What is your purpose, are you living it and pursuing it?
Why are you on this journey?
If you would like to talk about this just fill in this form to let me know how best to contact you and what you would like to talk about.
I benefitted hugely from Graham’s coaching: from listening to his experiences of women, learning of his struggles and his successes; to seeing how it all applied to me, in my life.
I FELT his wisdom for myself, whilst in his presence; thus I felt my own wisdom.
And it all came via a series of great conversations where the unknown in both of us was allowed to unfold – where all the work I’d done on myself to do with relationships could be ‘seen’ clearly by me, for the first time!
So I am grateful beyond words for the guidance Graham offered me in our sessions – to being listened to – and the insights into myself I gained. And I’m also grateful I was able to put what I’d discovered into practice more or less straight away, via the beginnings of (what looks like) an incredible relationship with a fabulous woman.
So what, then, did I get from being coached by Graham? Simply to trust myself and the wisdom/feelings I get from my body (rather than my head), and to truly be okay with who I am.
Hey Graham! Thank you so much for the hard work and guidance you put into your course. I am just diving in and really taking my time to absorb your wisdom. I am taking this course because I am tired of tolerating BS with myself, my life, and personal relationships. When I say BS, I mean forgetting what is truly important and valuable in life and ‘losing presence’ in the face of life. I am excited to have the opportunity to gather with a bunch of guys to learn more about being a man in the world and in relationship! Looking forward to the journey. Thank you again.
I have found this challenging, awakening, & frustrating – I can see why some men would not want to embark on this journey, but for myself – despite fear & resistance, I want to be more than I have been expressing myself as up to this point. I want to be a good man, a real man – not just the nice guy average man I became from my upbringing, temperament, & life choices. I think this is wonderful stuff, & I hope it gets out many more guys!
It focuses on The Path Of The Integral Warrior and is called a psychospiritual journey for men. It lays out his view of what men should aspire to based on his Integral Warrior workshops, as part of the mens movement.
It’s a brave attempt by Gary to outline a new paradigm for masculinity and provide a path for the mens movement to follow. It succeeds in outlining a spiritual path for men who are already on this type of journey, men who have already entered the castle of their own spirituality, but it fails to address what the new masculine means for ordinary men. It fails to account for the issues men face in the world of work and relationships and it fails to describe an accessible new masculine.
Having a perspective on what you like and don’t like about yourself leads naturally to the question of change. Change is something that is constant in everyone’s life and something most men shy away from. Natural change ensures you grow older and shift your viewpoint on life. Conscious change, however, can be traumatic or it can be liberating.
Men always seem to find it easy to identify what they don’t like about themselves. For many it’s physical characteristics, whether it’s the body, nose or the fact that they’re too old. They have an image of a perfect ‘man’ and quite happily identify all the characteristics and qualities that don’t match up to this perfect ideal.
Perhaps, yesterday, you came to accept all the parts of your personality, all your personalities, but does that mean you like everything about yourself?
Most people think of themselves as a single personality, They are who they are and others need to accept that.
Knowing what you believe you need to know, what you are prepared to live and die for is a prerequisite for moving forward. This requires the ability to make a stand on what you believe you are. What’s important, today, is that this can be anything from macho man to new age man.
Men face challenges: challenges to their sense of themselves as men: challenges through people’s view of them. Men need to face up to these challenges and come out the other side strong and confident in themselves as men. You succeed in this by getting to know yourself as a man, accepting who you are and living authentically.