Session 1: Be In Your Core

Core Masculinity, Male Energy, Focus

In ‘Be In Your Core’ you will learn how to be in your core. You will discover your core masculinity, the masculinity you were born with. That is your starting point for the journey. That is what you will build on. You will come to feel your male energy, that drive that is deep down inside you. You will learn about focus. Focus is the first of the essential male qualities that I introduce. Focus is crucial. Focus is often what defines a man.

Journey to the Core of the Masculine
'Conversations about Men & Masculinity'
'A 40 Day Challenge for Men'

This is a unique and powerful book on masculinity, sex, addiction and relationships. Chris Howard and I opened up in a personal way and explored what it is to be men.

Be In Your Core – Video

Be In Your Core – Summary

Core Masculinity

What is a definition of masculinity? What is a man?

  • Male is a biological term. It is a simple, straightforward definition of physical sex.
  • Man means an adult male with associated qualities such as courage and virility.
  • Maleness suggests biological properties associated with sex and virility.
  • Manhood is the state of being a man as distinguished from being a child or a woman.
  • Masculinity is the trait of behaving in ways considered typical for a man.

There are differences between masculine and feminine. The three major viewpoints are:

  • The differences are genetic. They are part of our physical makeup.
  • The differences are socialised. They are created by our cultural upbringing.
  • The differences are given by god and are meant for the procreation of children.

There are a number of factors which determine a man’s sex or gender.

  • Genetic sex. A male is a male because his genes carry a Y chromosome.
  • Gonadal sex. The sex glands are invaded by male sex cells, creating male sex glands.
  • Genital sex. Testosterone is secreted by the male sex cells creating the genitals.
  • Gender role. Testosterone leaves a male imprint on the brain cells of the foetus.
  • Gender identity. A boy develops himself as a man and his sexual nature.

Accepting core masculinity is accepting the essence that you are born with. This means:

  • Understanding what it is and living authentically with it.
  • Understanding how you have been socialized by family, friends and society.
  • Celebrating the differences between men and women and their equality.
  • Understanding social norms as models created by the dominant culture or media.

Male Energy

This is the key to being a man. Many men never find their male energy. They become weak as men. Many of the problems that men face are because their male energy is suppressed. They experience sexual problems or intimacy problems.

Focus

To focus means to be completely absorbed by the task in hand and not distracted by what else is happening. Women understand the need to be focused and want to be with a man who is focused. That is why presence is so important. When you are with your woman, you need to be with her.


Be In Your Core – Worksheet

Set aside time to think through your answers to the questions. They are intended to get you thinking about masculinity and your attitude to it. Write your answers either in this worksheet or start a journal. Also write your emotional or other reactions.

  1. What is masculinity for you? Does this relate to you or to men in general? Have you always felt this way?
  2. To what extent do you match this image of masculinity? To what extent do you believe you are masculine?
  3. Do you have a sense of your core masculinity, of what you are naturally? How has this core masculinity been influenced by your mother or your father?
  4. How has your view of masculinity, men and yourself changed over time? How would you see it changing in the future?

Be In Your Core – Exercise

This is an exercise on masculinity, looking at your core masculinity. Watch the supplementary video to help explain the exercise.

Masculinity and femininity exist as polar opposites in sexual polarity, it is necessary that they do, but that is between two people. Within a person the situation is far more complex. The concept of six essentially masculine qualities and six essential feminine qualities helps to clarify this. Everyone has access to these qualities and can develop them. People live with they’re own combination of the qualities so that an individual’s masculinity or femininity is a matrix of the extent to which they embody the qualities.

There are six essentially masculine qualities and six essential feminine qualities. Everyone has access to these qualities. You live with your own combination of them, your masculinity is a matrix of the extent to which you embody the qualities.

Do the exercise in relation to where you are now in your masculinity. You will rate yourself against all 12 qualities where you were before embarking on the course. The rating is 1 to 5.

  • 1 = “I feel like I don’t have this quality.”
  • 2 = “I feel I have elements of this quality, but it’s hidden.”
  • 3 = “I feel I have this quality to some extent, but I would like to change it.”
  • 4 = “I feel I have this quality and feel happy with it,”
  • 5 = “I feel I fully embody this quality.”

The masculine qualities are:

  • Grounded: It is be in touch with reality and able to resist pressure and events around you. So there is a solidity to you, you can’t be thrown off. You are what you are. You’re not immovable, but you are not buffeted by the winds of femininity blowing around you.
  • Leadership: A leader is able to provide all his own needs and able to provide the needs of others allowing them to feel safe. This goes beyond physical needs, but it’s about emotional and psychological needs. You know what your needs in life are and fill them. You know your responsibility to others whether they’re you partner, children, employees or colleagues. You’re able to provide for their needs and do what’s necessary to create an appropriate relationship with them.
  • Potent: This is being strong, powerful and fully in charge of your sexuality. The key part is being fully in charge of your sexuality, not letting it take charge of you, as many men do. One of the problems that many men face is the fact that they are not in charge. They let their sexuality take over, that’s where abusive and rape and dominance comes from. This physically harms women, but it also harms the reputation of men.
  • Dynamic: It’s the ability to keep going, to be able to enjoy life, to be full of energy, to have stamina. Alexander the Great crossed the known world in twelve years with forty thousand men. They walked ten thousand miles, they had the stamina to keep going and keep going.
  • Present: It’s being in the moment and completely attentive to the person you’re with or the event you’re at. Its a quality that is loved and sought by women in their men. The ability to be present, to be there, to be focused, to be totally with another person.
  • Focus: To get completely absorbed by the task in hand and not be distracted by what else is happening. It’s the ability to just close in and write, or make, or design, or create, or build, or whatever it is you do. Whatever it is you’re focused, you should be totally absorbed by it.

The feminine qualities are:

  • Free: That means being open and unrestricted, able to be involved in anything and seeking everything. That is so characteristic of woman. They think about everything, all at the same time. Multitasking comes easy to them. They seek to know and be involved in everything. It’s quite frightening for a man to watch.
  • Spontaneous: Spontaneous is the ability to react from the emotion of the situation and make quick assessments. This is where logic seems to disappear. It’s just a reaction, an emotion, an assessment, it just happens.
  • Intuitive: Being intuitive is when you act on an innate sense of what’s happening and are able to know beyond the senses. It’s when you just know what’s happening. Feminine intuition is famous and is so often right. It so often gets the situation perfectly. It’s when a woman seems able to know without knowledge.
  • Sceptical: Being sceptical is when you question others, particularly, those closest to you, looking for certainty. This is the source of feminine testing, where a woman tests you, all the time. A woman tests by questioning because she needs to trust. She needs to trust the person she’s with. She needs to know that it’s going to be safe, that everything’s going to be okay. She needs to know that she can relax and love.
  • Accepting: It’s the ability to accept circumstances once trust is established. A woman is more able to accept a situation, able to conciliate, able to accept different points of view. They don’t feel the requirement to force their point of view on others.
  • Nurturing: That’s caring for others as well as yourself, finding compassion in any situation. This is closely aligned to a woman being a mother, with the need to keep her children, her family, safe and well. There’s a deep need to care and nurture. Many women focus their lives in this area.

All of these characteristics are available to you. They act as a model to help you understand yourself. They don’t specify how to be masculine. They indicate, for you as a man, where masculinity lies.

Keep these ratings, you will need them at the end of the course.


Read the following articles to open up your perspective…

Other articles by Sat Purusha:

Other relevant articles:


Next: Session 2: Understand Your Influences


I Stand For What I Believe – I Am Proud Of My Core Beliefs

I feel shocked and upset. I have just unfriended someone on Facebook. This is something I thought I would never do. I thought this was against my core beliefs.

I believe that Facebook is a place for public debate. It’s an open forum where we exchange views. As long as the person isn’t openly threatening, I have always felt that everyone has a right to respond, comment and have their say.

I was recently involved in a discussion where I disagreed with people’s desire to unfriend or block people who were simply rude. I love arguing; to a point. I love the process of debate. I think that’s how we evolve our society. I think that’s how we negotiate our way through the minefield of modern society.

Yet, today, I unfriended someone and removed their contribution to the debate we were having. What’s interesting is that person is an actual friend of mine, not just a Facebook friend. That person is someone I have respected and whose company I have enjoyed.

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Masculine Characteristics – A New Approach

The way for us to move forward as men is to develop our own norms based on our core masculine characteristics and our response to cultural conditioning not based on the dominant cultural norms; that is create our own personal masculinity.

This move away from the feminine was achieved in tribal societies through initiation and ceremony. In modern society we have lost this blunting our access to our masculine characteristics and making the shift more problematic and painful. The lack of involvement of fathers in this process makes the situation worse.

The result is increasing conflict between men and women because men either fail to make the transition or they over-compensate and dominate women.

Continue reading →