A few years ago I was living in Tilburg, The Netherlands. This is a small town in the middle of the country. The one amazing thing they have is a large pop venue that is a favourite touring venue for punk bands. It is one of the few places in The Netherlands that my son, a punk drummer, has been to. One night I went to see ‘Good Charlotte‘, the US punk band based around the Madden brothers. I had an envigorating, rocking evening, even though I was in my sixties! The song that remains with me from that gig is ‘Young and Hopeless’. It is a personal song that aches with teenage angst and disconnection.
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Men want sex, but they want the right kind of sex. They do not want the old, macho, sex where they just go for quick pleasure. They do not want to dominate their woman and hope she enjoys herself. They do not want to hope for the best, hope that they get it right, hope their desire is returned. In this age of integrated, mature men it is important to understand a man’s needs, but more importantly, it is important to understand a woman’s needs.
I have been seeking all my life. I have always had this sense of looking for my home, my refuge. It has not been through a sense of lack or need, but through a sense of destiny. I have spent many years on this journey and then a few years ago I found what I was seeking. I love the story of Santiago, in ‘The Alchemist’, who travels to find a treasure he dreams about. On the way he learns to listen to his heart and that his Personal Legend, his heart’s desire, is part of the Soul of the Universe.
In my life I have been a seeker. As a teenager I sought a spiritual answer to an unknown question. I tried to understand where to look for the answer. What did I want? Why was I even looking? In the different approaches I tried, from Christianity to Yoga, I found many ideas to pursue, but no solutions.
Lion Goodman is CEO of the Luminary Leadership Institute. He has 35 years experience as a coach, counselor, and healer. Lion is the creator of The BeliefCloset Process, a proprietary methodology for shifting beliefs at the core of the psyche. He served as Director of Men’s Programs at The Shift Network, where he created programs including the Ultimate Men’s Summit. His writings have been widely published, and he is the author of three books: ‘Creating on Purpose’; ‘Menlightenment: A Book for Awakening Men’; and ‘Transform Your Beliefs’.
Whilst Feminism has done some great things for us, it has also made women quite domineering with a tendency to castrate men with a single look. I suppose this is partially where the term ‘Ball-Breaker’ began to tread our vocabulary.
Being young and free. I never want to go back there in innocence and expectation. I never want to repeat the angst and the pain… I would rather stay happy in my sixties.
Many of us are unhappy with our romantic relationships, but don’t know what to do about it. There are times we swear ‘never again.’ Getting close is just too painful.
The poem uses language generally rejected today with its focus on men and brothers, but it does align with the reality of its time. What is interesting, though, is its focus on the feminine as offering the solutions to issues we face. In that it pre-dates much of what is spoken about today.
A year ago I became a grandfather for the first time and I am still in a daze about it. It is over thirty years since I became a father. I loved it at the time but I have no desire to go through it again. Being a grandfather is, however, completely different, I am glad to say.