I recently visited a relative of mine who is 91 years old. She doesn’t get out of the house much these days, she suffers from dementia and is locked in her loneliness. Although people go in to see her every day and others come and take her out on trips she doesn’t remember much, if anything, about this. So when she sits on her own in front of the TV in the evening she feels lonely and is lonely, because she remembers nothing of the events of the day, all she can remember is the distant past of family life and activity, so she feels lonely.
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I want to make it easier for you to take the action you need to take to put your life in order. I have created and listed 21 actions, below, you can take in your life. They are all specific, practical actions that will improve your life.
It is easy to focus on our weaknesses, or what we perceive as our weaknesses. Do we do enough to focus on our strengths, what we are good at? Do you really know who you are or do you have a picture in your mind of who you think you should be?
I realised later in life that you can only control yourself. To lead others you need to be seen to be in control of yourself, then others will respect you and follow you.
My wife has been reading the book ‘Getting To “I Do” – The Secret To Doing Relationships Right‘ by the well-known relationship expert Dr Patricia Allen. She has been reading excerpts to me and I have been getting increasingly agitated.
Most of us do not want to talk about sex because we do not want to face the truth. We believe that those that do talk about sex are not telling the truth. At least we hope they are not telling the truth.
Yesterday as I came out of ‘El Arbol’ supermarket in Mojacar I saw a large, well-dressed, man shouting at an old, badly-dressed beggar. The man was kicking and hitting the beggar. The beggar looked frightened and kept trying to get out of the way. The attacker was shouting that his wife was in tears because the beggar had been rude to her.
After trying to stop the attack, my first reaction was to wonder what might have happened had this been in the US not Spain. Would guns have been involved? Would there have death rather than bruised egos?
I thought about the different way the man and his wife had reacted to what happened. I remembered an exchange on Facebook I had had the previous day in relation to the tragedy at Newtown, Connecticut.
In the story of my relationship with my wife I talk about the shift I made, about the transformation. It is important to understand that the shift was not where I suddenly learned about women and how to love them. It was where I suddenly learned about myself, who I was, who I was trying to be. I came to see how important this was to any potential partner.
Men, you start to relate to a woman because you are attracted by her. You realise, later, that you do not know how to go beyond that attraction. You do not know how to love her, how to get her to love you. You want to love her and you want the relationship to grow and be powerful.
You discover something important when you embark on a relationship. You discover that women are different from men. You discover that it is not enough to have a relationship with a woman. Continue reading →
As a man I spend time thinking and writing about the experience of being a man. I look to understand my own experience and that of many other men. I do this to develop who I am and to provide other men with material that will enable them to develop who they are, to create a situation where men become men.
A critical part of this is understanding what it is to be a man, how men become men. In relation to what, you might ask. It’s important to know what not being a man looks like. Where is it that men are when they seek help from ‘Graham Reid Phoenix’?
This is an essence of the debate on Sex and Gender. What is a man and how is this man created? The point of this article is not to debate this issue but to point out where I am coming from as a writer.
Women were a foreign country to me with a language I didn’t understand.
I was shy and awkward around women. I just didn’t know what to do.
It wasn’t until I stepped into my power as a man that things started to really make sense to me. It wasn’t until I looked at myself that I realised I understood the language all along.
When you are learning how to attract a woman or trying to find a relationship, the skill of understanding women will be essential.
I am not talking about the times you are horny and just want to have sex. What I am talking about is when you really start to understand the complex nature of women. Continue reading →