Nelson Mandela’s presence is an example to men everywhere. His focus and dedication in the face of his incarceration seems almost super-human. Men, when they ‘get it’ can be amazingly powerful, but how do they get there?
Nelson Mandela took the world by storm when he became President of the new South Africa. His presence before his former captors was an example to men everywhere.
His focus and dedication in the face of his incarceration seemed almost super-human. But was it? Was he something special, or was he an example of the power of a man in his core, a man who knew himself and his purpose?
Men, when they ‘get it’ can be amazingly powerful, but how do they get there and why should they?
David’s life changed dramatically when he recently started a relationship with Sarah, a girl he had known and worked with for over three years. They had both been looking for their soulmate without realising that he/she was there in font of their eyes all the time. they were great friends and loved each other’s company.
It had never occurred to either of them that there was, or could be, anything more. Yet each was seeking what was missing in their life. Then, one day, the spark happened and their lives were transformed. They are living together now, even though they are from different countries, and have two children.
So what changed, what happened? Where did the magic come from? What sparked?
The details of the story are irrelevant, what matters is the forces at work behind the individuals concerned.
Shakti Gawain in her book, ‘Living in the Light’, said,
It is the Energy of the Universe moving through us that transforms, not the particular things we do. … Whether you are … taking a walk or building a house, if you’re doing it with a sense of being right where you want to be and doing what you want to be doing, that fullness and joy in the experience will be felt by everyone around you. … You will see proof of it in watching the changes in people.
The energy of the universe runs through and influences us all. It is this that is responsible for the monumental changes such as the one that David and Sarah went through.
But how did this energy work its magic and transform two people? How did it create this blend of masculinity and femininity that is now producing new life? Where did mens sexuality come into the picture.
Urmila and I have been talking about the moment the spark happens, the moment everything changes. What are the actual forces that are working in people? We are particularly interested in this because it happened in our lives, allowing us to create the wonderful relationship we have. How does sexual polarity come into the equation?
In our work with men and women we have found that archetypes and stories often hold the key to age old mysteries. The parallel stories of Sleeping Beauty and the Frog Prince look at the essence of a person being put to sleep or hidden from the world. This continues until the ‘mysterious stranger’ comes along and kisses the Beauty/Frog. Then a transformation happens and the pair fall in love and live happily ever after.
So the answer is a kiss? No, not quite! Neither sex are waiting for their future partner to come along and kiss them, thus revealing, at last, their inner core, even if they think that’s the situation. The kiss is a metaphor and they key is to isolate what the metaphor is.
This leads us back to Shakti Gawain’s ‘Energy of the Universe’. There is a moment when the energy is revealed in all its power. That moment is when the initial spark of sexual polarity fires between two people. Suddenly everything is clear and exciting. It is the moment often described as ‘love at first sight’. Shakti Gawain describes it as the moment you have a sense of being right where you want to be and doing what you want to be doing. At that moment the fullness and joy in the experience will be felt by everyone around you.
This happens between two people. The energy of sexual polarity is revealed and acts as a catalyst in two people. That catalyst starts the transformation that moves the man into his masculinity and the woman into her femininity. Most of us know that moment, many of us have felt the spark.
It is at this point that men need to move into top gear and start working on how they show up as a man. I have talked a lot in these pages on this subject and I will be talking about it a lot more. Men are prone to leave this bit out and wonder, later on, why the spark died why the magic didn’t continue.
That initial spark of sexual polarity is just a catalyst, it is just there to set off the chain reaction, not to keep it going. It reveals the infinite potential of sexual polarity as a force between two people, the power that can exist between them, the excitement that comes from the interaction of their cores. Men need to harness that power, need to feel that excitement, need to fully experience the polarity and bring it into their life as a permanent feature. They need to develop their own power, strength and presence and take the woman by storm.
Rumi the 13th century poet said,
A man’s head may be filled with knowledge of meaningless worldly matters, he may be familiar with all the sciences, and yet not know his own soul. He knows the special properties of every substance, but he is as ignorant as an ass about the nature of his own essence. He declares, I know what is permissable and what is not, but he does not know if his own actions are permissable. He knows the precise value of every article he buys and sells; but in his folly he does not know his own value. He has learned to distinguish auspicious stars from inauspicious ones, but he does not examine his soul to see if he is in a fortunate or poor spiritual state. To know yourself, and to live your life in anticipation of the Day of Jusgement, is to master the highest science.
He needs to discover what his essence is and let it, help it, grow.
Why is this important? Why not just enjoy the initial spark of polarity while it lasts and let the future be what it may be?
Men are Leaders
David is in the full throws of the amazing passion he has discovered, Sarah is overwhelmed by the new children. Life is changing before her eyes in ways that she didn’t anticipate. This period can be hateful for a woman. She wants to escape from it and thinks it would be great to go travelling the world. She is on leave from her work, why not use it to go to new places? David starts asking round seeking ideas for where to go.
Of course for him this seems a great idea. But as a man it’s his role to see beyond the irrationality of his woman. It is for him to see what she doesn’t yet see. There are vulnerable babies that need to be cared for and nurtured. There will be a woman in the throws of post-natal depression, a woman for whom life may not make sense any more, a woman trying to come to terms with new responsibilities. It’s for him to think of his family and gently shift the idea into something practical. He will have a family to think of, they need him to be rational and be a man. They rely on him to guide and look after them.
Men are leaders not because they are better than women but because they can have the ability to focus and see beyond the immediate surroundings. They can live beyond this moment into the future. Women can be overwhelmed by their own emotions and the family they look after and can miss the bigger picture.
Men are leaders because they can extrapolate this beyond their immediate family. Nelson Mandela had the focus and foresight to see beyond the immediate surroundings of the prison cell he was held in for 27 years to the needs of his country. He was able to subjugate his needs to those of his people. That is the essence of a man.