Day 7: Do You Find Intimacy Difficult?
Men have issues with intimacy and frequently are unable to admit they have issues with intimacy. They sublimate their emotions in actions they can understand. This is the heart of much of the difficulty between men and women. For men it’s sex not intimacy, for women it’s intimacy not sex.
Sex and Intimacy
Intimacy is being close to someone on an emotional level to the point where you feel you merge together. It is often associated with a close sexual relationship. This is where men find it confusing. Women almost always connect intimacy with an emotional state that can lead to sex, men connect intimacy with the emotional state that follows sex.
It is critical that you understand the difference. Sex is a physical act that is central to any intimate relationship. It results, though, from the emotions bound up in the relationship and does not, itself, create those emotions.
Men aren’t the way they are because they want to drive women crazy; they’ve been trained to be that way for thousands of years. And that training makes it very difficult for men to be intimate.
The Energy of a Woman
It was only when I learnt to feel the energy of a woman that I truly understood what intimacy was.
When I started practicing Tantra I started to learn that sex was not the issue. I found that when I just hold my partner closely for a significant period I can feel her energy, feel what is happening inside her. Whether this was before or after sex made no difference. But when sex is enclosed within it, then the experience was transformed.
In the mornings and evenings I take time to practice this with my partner. It is critical to our relationship that we stay in touch with each other and feel what is happening.
If you are in a relationship today’s challenge is a practical one, if you aren’t then think back to when you were. The challenge seeks to re-create an experience of pure emotion in silence relying solely on the energy that exists.
- Find time today to hold your partner in an intimate embrace. It is preferable if you are lying down. Just hold each other, don’t move, don’t talk.
- Feel the energy between you. Hold this for a significant period of time and feel whether intimacy grows. If not understand what you are feeling.
- Is this something that has been part of your life in the past? Is this something that improves your connection with your partner?
- Talk about this with your partner so you understand what it was like for them as well. Hold all these feelings in you and commit to expanding on them.