It is common to see relationships as battlegrounds where couples act out their needs and desires. Relationships are where people most often seek to control another person. Relationships fail more often than they succeed because people try to manipulate them into what they want.
When did you last look with detachment at your intimate or most important relationship? When did you last honestly appraise it and work out what it really means to you? Have you ever done this with compassion and understanding?
Spiritually, no action is more important than surrender. Surrender is the tenderest impulse of the heart, acting out of love to give whatever the beloved wants. Surrender is being alert to exactly what is happening now, not imposing expectations from the past. Surrender is faith that the power of love can accomplish anything, even when you cannot foresee the outcome of a situation.
I was married, previously, for thirty years without ever honestly looking at my relationship. I never considered what it meant to me and I think if I had i would have left it earlier.
I was trying to be in control, as was my wife, and we fought it out for years with no-one winning out in the end.
Have you been there? Are you there now? Do you see a way out?
It’s time to let go, time to surrender. This is not considered to be a very masculine thing to do. Letting go of control is considered to be more of a feminine quality. Indeed it is one of the qualities that most defines femininity. When a woman surrenders to herself and her impulses she finds she can start to trust others in her life, particularly her man. Trust is what she looks for in a man, trust is why she constantly tests her man.
For a man to surrender is considered to be a loss of face, the ultimate insult. Albert Einstein said,
If men as individuals surrender to the call of their elementary instincts, avoiding pain and seeking satisfaction only for their own selves, the result for them all taken together must be a state of insecurity, of fear, and of promiscuous misery.
John McCain said,
It’s so simple being an American, just fight to the death and you will die honourably!
But, as Deepak says at the beginning,
… no action is more important than surrender.
Surrender as a spiritual practice shows a depth of knowledge and understanding of yourself that is undeniable. It shows a care and compassion for the other person that is deep and meaningful. To be able to give up control shows a love of the other that sets you apart.
The ability to stand firm in the face of your enemies is a masculine quality but the ability to surrender in the face of love is a simple human quality. Would that we could all see our human qualities.