Join Dr. Vibe and Sat Purusha as they host the discussion 'Men And Sexual Abuse'.
I write about health, spirituality and masculinity. I explore what masculinity means in relation to the rest of men’s lives. As part of my engagement with others interested the areas I write about I had a conversation with Dr Vibe. We looked at the area of sexual abuse, and its significance in the lives of men and in my life. It has become a cause celebre in thge Uk where revelations continue to hit the headlines. Why is this subject si important? What can we doi to change the situation?
A new scandal in Britain has highlighted the extent of sexual abuse of boys in the game.
I have never been a fan of football in the UK. It has, for me, been too closely associated with racism and violence. Football (or soccer as it is called in the US) is a man’s game in the world outside the US. It brings men together and creates an atmosphere where they can bond and experience the rituals of battle in a safe atmosphere. It has been accepted as an essential part of British and European male culture.
I find the term ‘rape culture’ offensive, but in hearing the British Health Secretary reporting to the British Parliament on the Savile Affair, I question whether being offended is valid any more.
When I was 16 years old, in 1964, a British TV show featuring pop music started. ‘Top of the Pops’ was an iconic show from the BBC. It came from an old church in Manchester that had been turned into a TV studio. I used to pass it by bus on my way to and from school. I can remember seeing the queues of girls hoping to get in and see their favorite ‘pop stars’. It was like nothing that had been presented before and the first presenter was a man destined to become famous—perhaps infamous would be better—and an icon of my generation.
Rape is generally about control not sex. It is about domination, usually by men of women, although it happens in other combinations as well.
In my view it is not so much a gender issue as a human issue. It is about sad people who cannot see how to live decent lives and take that out on others. What is tragic, though, is how it blights the lives of those involved. Often the lives of the victims are shattered with devastating ripple effects. The lives of the perpetuators are affected as well, often for the rest of their lives. Victims can become perpetuators, and so on.
Being dominating and using mental and emotional abuse is as bad as being physically abusive.
I was in Glasgow with my parents on our annual trip back to Scotland to visit family. I must have been in my early teens. I went off for the day to explore the city on my own. I’ve always enjoyed walking around new and strange cities. My love of steam trains (they still existed then) took me to St Enoch Station.
Standing on the steps looking at my map and wondering where to go next, I was approached by a man seeking to help me.
I was the typical innocent abroad and trusted this man. We started talking and he offered to buy me a coffee in the station cafe. I accepted.
We sat in a quiet corner and at one point he gently took my hand and laid it on his leg. I realised my hand was on his erect penis. I was horrified and only then realised why this man was so helpful. I got away as quick as I could.
Although nothing serious happened to me this experience has remained with me for 50 years now.