Union and polarity between men and women create a world defined by balance. It is a world of power and strength for both.
The more men come to terms with their masculinity, the more the tension seems to grow between men and women. Yet, from my perspective and my experience, this shift should bring us together. The stress and tension between men and women stem from misunderstanding and confusion. It, so often, comes from people seeing the world in terms that are too simplistic. Masculinity varies for each man dependent on personality, family and culture. The common thread is a set of characteristics that allow men to feel masculine.
What it is like to be woman who is not listened to and suppressed. What men can do to fill this gender gap. Today I felt the pain of being a woman… Today I felt the shame of being a man…
We sat in the cafe, me drinking an Americano and she a Capuccino, talking about our past, feeling our way through the pain and shame of our previous lives. The partners we had mistreated and been mistreated by. The parents who had shamed us into submission, who had distorted our views of reality. Mostly we talked about how long it had taken us to understand and accept the culture of domination and suppression, the culture we had both, unknowingly, bought into many years ago.
The United States Declaration of Independence says, "... that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and Happiness." But how is that happiness achieved?
Recently I created an online course for men called ‘How To Love A Woman’. The course has had some success but not as much as I expected. In talking to a number of men it seems that the name and the concept did not push their buttons. I have been seeking a focus for the course that men can and will relate to. This needs to have strength to it and it needs to connect with how men achieve love and intimacy with women. In there lies power for men.
For men it's important to get in touch with the maleness that they were born with, their masculine features. The sense of being a man that was imprinted in their brain in the womb.
Many men struggle because they believe the lie that it is all a social construct. They believe the story that is told that we are all the same. They believe that we are all masculine and feminine inside. They believe that, in the core, there is no difference. They believe there is no such thing as inherent masculine features.
There is a famous quotation from an unknown author, "Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."
While this is a great joke, there is a lot of truth there—at least as far as women are concerned! Men are reputed to not be emotional beings, the greater truth is that they hide their emotions from women.
Because of this blank wall women make up how they think men work. They generally get it wrong, not because they’re stupid but because they genuinely don’t understand. Men, unfortunately, do nothing to help women understand, and so the confusion goes on.
The joke reveals the two major attitudes that women have to men, the two major sources of their knowledge and lack of understanding.
When I first started thinking about my masculinity I was confused, no not in that way but from the perspective of understanding all the different approaches put forward.
There are alpha males, daddy bloggers, men’s rights activists, male feminists, PUA’s, football fans, and many others. Was I supposed to take sides? Was I supposed to take on a new identity? What was the right way? Was there a right way?
I listened to a teleseminar today about men and sex ( and inner feminine) that I thought was going to be a step forward in understanding men. Boy, was I ever wrong.
There was some good stuff about sex, “Let go and relax and discover the truth that is already within. It is already in you now, just let it be, naturally.”
But then we were regaled with balancing the, “Feminine seductive energy and the Masculine hunting energy!” We were told that ‘exaggerated polarity’ was the cause of pain in men. The need to perform is the issue. So let’s all get in touch with our ‘Inner Feminine’ and be receptive. Apparently this is what Tantra teaches.
Wow... It gives me goosebumps just thinking about sex. It's such an important subject. We really need to get it right, men. So much hangs on this, so much flows from the balance between sex and control.
I was privileged to hear a conversation in which one woman was telling another that she was upset that her man had just broken up with her. The reason he gave up was that she kept taking control during sex. He said he couldn’t take it any more, the fact that she controls him.