Why is it that men continue to allow women to mother them? Why is it that men do not seem to be able to move beyond their childhood? Why is it that so many men refuse to take on the level of maturity needed to let go of this need?
Today I am working on electronic clearing. This might seem easy, but I have found it takes major decisions.
Some years ago I ran a company along with a business partner. He had founded the company years before and he was proud of what he had achieved. I put money into the company and trusted what he told me. I did not look too deep because I was proud of what the company did and flattered to be asked to join as a director.
I was in Seattle for a meeting and she was back in my home in England. We had reached a critical point. Our relationship, that was not yet a relationship, was faltering and about to be over.
Yesterday as I came out of ‘El Arbol’ supermarket in Mojacar I saw a large, well-dressed, man shouting at an old, badly-dressed beggar. The man was kicking and hitting the beggar. The beggar looked frightened and kept trying to get out of the way. The attacker was shouting that his wife was in tears because the beggar had been rude to her.
After trying to stop the attack, my first reaction was to wonder what might have happened had this been in the US not Spain. Would guns have been involved? Would there have death rather than bruised egos?
I thought about the different way the man and his wife had reacted to what happened. I remembered an exchange on Facebook I had had the previous day in relation to the tragedy at Newtown, Connecticut.
Men develop under their mother’s influence and live in a society that is increasingly feminised by the media. They are left wondering where this leaves them as men.
In the future will men continue to dominate or will it be the turn of women? Will men continue to be domineering?
Is it time for men to embrace a new world view of equality and justice or is it time to batten down the hatches and protect what they have?
Understanding men is easy, some would argue: you just have to know what men want, that’s all. Why do so many men feel confused about themselves, then? Why is it that most men couldn’t tell you what they want or who they are?
Men are considered to be far less complex than women. A large factor in this is the way their brains are organised. The male brain is compartmentalised: every part works independent of the other. Specific behaviour that has been labelled as masculine results from this, for example being able to do only one thing at a time, or putting focus onto something else as a way letting go, or being in the mood for – and ready for – sex in a matter of seconds.
To understand myself as a man, I need to look at my behaviour.
In my early 50s, I was the Design Principal of a practice based in London. There were eight of us—four men and four women. The firm was owned and run by men, including me, but the main design leaders were women.
In another article I looked at “How to Love a Woman“. In talking about men in love I said,
It’s an overwhelming emotion you have about another person, an emotion that you can’t truly explain but you can’t get rid of. It makes you want to be with that person, hold them, touch them, have sex with them. It shows itself as an exchange of energy, a polarity, that excites your soul. Love makes you feel great and totally transforms life.
On a beautiful Saturday morning by the Sneekermeer in Holland, bright and cold, looking out over the water I see a typical picture of Male Bonding. Two men sitting in a boat fishing. Two men with their backs to each other, not talking but enjoying each other’s company.
