Many men and women unconsciously collaborate in maintaining domination by men. One of the factors at the heart of this is men's need to be mothered by women. For the situation to change men need to let go of this need.
Why is it that men continue to allow women to mother them? Why is it that men do not seem to be able to move beyond their childhood? Why is it that so many men refuse to take on the level of maturity needed to let go of this need?
I have felt a need to take control over what I do in life and have had many reasons to question this over the years. It is part of the characteristics of masculinity.
I find myself drawn into being in charge or leading. In any group situation I find that I see what we need to do to make a group vision work and that I work to create this. In committees I find myself chairing them to create a common vision. I see that this is about my mind and the skills I have developed over my life. I also see it as an expression of myself as a man. I have the ability to focus and see the way ahead—the vision—as well as what needs doing to get there—the detail. It is a part of what I see as my masculinity that I am proud of.
What will you stand up for, what are you willing to die for? How is this question being played out around the globe.
Like many in Europe, I am cheering on the people who are changing the face of their country through their own personal power. I am cheering for the individual who has made an enormous fortune through the success of his entrepreneurship. Finally I am cheering on the end of the old guard who thought that, today, they could still rule by force and domination.
Men keep going because their wife, children, colleagues expect them to. They keep going because of the shame of giving up.
I lay under the duvet cover screaming, screaming out loud. I could feel the break coming. I felt helpless and hopeless and I did not know what to do, I did not know how to deal with my wife, with my life. I was lost; as a husband, as a man, as Graham. I knew something was wrong, something more than the clash of brute force and stubbornness, something more than titan struggle that had been going on downstairs. I was so lost I could not even work out what was wrong, I just wanted the world to go away.
With the tragic shooting of schoolchildren in Newtown, Connecticut, we should all look at how we react and take moral responsibility for what happened. If we did this we would find that we could create a new future by adapting to change. The question is what that change should be.
Yesterday as I came out of ‘El Arbol’ supermarket in Mojacar I saw a large, well-dressed, man shouting at an old, badly-dressed beggar. The man was kicking and hitting the beggar. The beggar looked frightened and kept trying to get out of the way. The attacker was shouting that his wife was in tears because the beggar had been rude to her.
After trying to stop the attack, my first reaction was to wonder what might have happened had this been in the US not Spain. Would guns have been involved? Would there have death rather than bruised egos?
I thought about the different way the man and his wife had reacted to what happened. I remembered an exchange on Facebook I had had the previous day in relation to the tragedy at Newtown, Connecticut.
Dealing With Chaos — Do You Blame Or Take Responsibility?
The desire to blame is embedded within our society. It seems that it’s always someone else’s fault. It starts on a wide front with blaming the government and the people who we think control us, the military, corporations and those who hold most of the money. This comes out in an extreme form through the many conspiracy theories around. It finishes in our relationships where we fight each other, blaming each other for everything that’s wrong.