20. What Would You Like To Change?

Having a perspective on what you like and don’t like about yourself leads naturally to the question of change.

Change is something that is constant in everyone’s life and something most men shy away from. Natural change ensures you grow older and shift your viewpoint on life. Conscious change, however, can be traumatic or it can be liberating.

A vision gives you a target to move your life towards, it encapsulates a process of change you build into your life. The question, though, is does it create the change that is most beneficial to you? Is this change conscious enough to deal with the issues you have so far identified? It is important that the change you seek is to yourself not to an outside situation.

Think back to the exercise on control and remember the change needs to be about you.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
(Victor Frankl)

When I left my first marriage I determined to change myself, to get rid of the mask I was wearing.

It took time to integrate all the areas of my life and be the totality of all that I was. I changed my approach to the separated lives I led; work, family, friends, personal development. I changed my approach to what I revealed and what I hid, I decided to reveal everything to everyone.

That decision proved to be far more difficult than I had imagined. I had found comfort in controlling how much people knew of me. I had developed a number of masks that effectively created a different person for each area of my life. The integration was a release, however, It allowed me to see who I really was. I found I enjoyed this new discovery.

This work is still in progress, I still seek greater integration of all parts of my life.

  • Do you find you look to change the world around you? Do you spend your time telling other people how they should be? Do you feel others have lost their way?
  • Do you find you are looking to change yourself, what you feel, how you react, how you think about yourself? Do you want to do something about the aspects of yourself you don’t like?
  • What is it, specifically, that you would like to change? Is it developing the areas you like or re-thinking the areas you don’t like?
  • Where would this take you? What would you become? How different would you be?

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Other Posts in the series 'Dealing With Chaos'

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