Love is at the centre of my emotional responses. It is either the lack of love, the desire for love or the need for love. This is easy to confuse with the play of love in my life. What is love as opposed to the need for love?
So far I have looked at my physical and intellectual aspects. I have found these understandable and, to an extent, controllable. My emotions, however, are less open to this kind of analysis and change.
The effect of the exercising of my mind is to enable my creative power to do its work. My mind connects with the Universal Energy to channel thoughts and ideas to express themselves.
I looked earlier at intention and how to put it into action with intention, effort and divine grace. What is intention? Is it desire, need or just greed?
Writing has become my core way of expressing myself. Writing is my way to express my wants, needs and desires. Writing is about expanding my awareness. Do I achieve this?
Out of the mess and confusion of my upbringing and education what beliefs have I developed? What has come out of this for me? Where has this led me? I believe that I can control my life, that I can decide what I am going to do. I may not control the outcome, that is often in the hands of other people or the collective universal consciousness. What I can control is the effort and energy I put into whatever I do. Often that energy is enough to achieve what I want, but not always.
Some years ago I studied with the Oneness University at Tony Robbins’ resort in Fiji and at the Oneness University in India. One of the important lessons I learned is how to turn your intentions into reality.
It is fashionable today to use intention or manifastation to create what you want. Many people think that as long as you think something for long enough, or hard enough, it will happen. They are often disappointed when nothing results.
So how can you make the Law of Intention work for you?
This is where the teaching from Oneness comes in. They taught me that there are three elements in this process.
This is the part that everyone understands. I have learned that it is necessary to clearly state my intentions. I write them down and put them where I can read them often, where I can remind myself of them.
This is the tough part. I have to do whatever I can to bring the intentions about. It is not enough that I state my intentions and move on, I have to make them part of my life.
This is the part that comes from outside myself. This is the part that comes from my connection to the universal consciousness. This is the exciting part.
I believe that my mind has unlimited potential and that it is in my hands to develop and use this potential.
When I moved from the theatre to architectural lighting I needed to develop my engineering knowledge. I took a college course in architectural lighting. I became fascinated by the mathematical background to what I did. I looked back at my schooling and discovered that maths had been my best subject until the school dropped it in favour of arts subjects. I started a degree course in maths at the Open University in the UK.
I delved deep into pure maths, logic and systems and discovered a phenomenal world of thought at the edge of my understanding. It even touched on the basis of existence, something I had not expected. I finished with a First Class Honours degree, something I was so proud of.
Developing this potential has opened up the expanse of intellectual possibilities for me. This will never close down for me because I believe that the Universe has led me here to explore and help others to see what is possible.
I look at life from two perspectives at the same time, moving from one to the other as I explore what is before me. They are the big picture and the detail. I developed this approach working in lighting design. I used to switch between the concept, with the architect, and the installation, with the contractor.
I believe that this approach gives me a unique view of the world. As I gaze from 37,000 feet over the landscape of my ideas I see patterns and relationships that are not at first obvious. I link up issues and approaches that seem random and unrelated. I create magic. At the same time I see the finite details that makes each individual part of what I am looking at work. I can relate these details to the whole and help everything to mesh together.
I believe that this is a gift I have. To be able to look at a life, mine or someone else’s, see the patterns and work into the detail of what is happening.
I love playing with my mind and exploring its unlimited potential.
- What do you believe?
- What approach do you have in thinking about the world?
- How have you gone about developing your potential?
My mind is my own! I am in control of what I think! I can decide what I do and how I live my life! Or can I? Whatever I was born with was soon over-laid with what other people wanted me to think. I was born with a sense of my masculinity, even as a baby. That did not last long. Parents, friends, teachers, film stars, colleagues all sought to tell me how to think and what to think. I thought they had good ideas so I listened to them. Was there anything left of me?
When I was eleven I was planning what Senior School to go to. There were alternatives for me to consider. The option from the state was either a grammar school or a secondary modern school, depending on whether I passed the 11+ exam. The grammar school was the better option. There were two other options which required me to pass special entrance exams. One of these was Manchester Grammar School (MGS), one of the best schools in England.
One day a teacher from another class came in to our class and asked us who was going to sit the exams for MGS. I was one of the few who put his hand up. The teacher looked at me and made a dismissive remark about what was I doing taking them. That hurt me a lot. She made the remark because my eldest brother failed the MGS exams and my other brother failed his 11+. What chance did I have?
I passed all five exams that I took that summer, possible because I was so angry at the teacher. I went to MGS and at least had good quality conditioning.
Problems arose at MGS because I had this remaining feeling that I was not good enough, even though I had shown otherwise. I had a residual view from my teachers that I was not an intellectual star, that I was there under sufference.
I realise now that this was just not true, but because I believed it at the time I made it true. Others conditioned me to believe that I struggled to understand what I was learning and that I would not amount to anything. I accepted this view.
I confirmed this when I failed to get a place at University when I left school at the age of eighteen. All my schooling had been a waste and all I had done was prove that the teacher, seven years before, was right.
I went into the theatre to do some physical work while I worked out what I was going to do in life.
In time I became a rebel and started to refuse to accept what people told me I could or could not do. I forged ahead and decided to make up my own mind. I became a designer and explored my creative side. I joined trade unions to explore my ability to discuss intellectual issues. I became a mathematician and explored the depths of pure thinking. I became a writer and put all this together into what I regard as the powerful intellectual basis of my life.
I am still seen as a rebel by my family. They see me going beyond the boundaries and forging a life which was not in the ‘plan’. I have come to love being a rebel because of how other people react to it.
This series of posts is a case in point. Many people think I am mad to expose myself like this. Yet when I get comments from readers such as the following one, I know I am doing the right thing.
“I have been really liking what you have been writing! I always do, I enjoy your perspective and ability to write about all of the experience of being a man, from raw sexuality to rarefied spirituality. And being nearly 50, I am relating to what you are writing very much, and am doing some similar changing myself. Always appreciate your insight and expression!”
The key, though, to looking at my mind is to understand what I have done with it. Come back tomorrow to find out.
- What did you believe about yourself when you were young?
- What direction did your life take as a result?
- How could you re-think your approach to what you think?
In concluding the section on my body in this meditational journey, I want to look ahead. Why am I concerned about what happens to my body or how I treat it?
In the last post I talked about changing my lifestyle, how am I proposing to go about this? What are the elements that come into play and what is the result going to be?
Yesterday I looked at how time has ravaged my body. More critical, though, is the effect my lack of care has had on my body. Bad food, alcohol, lack of sleep, lack of exercise, environment and attitude all play a part in my physical health.