Do you need love? Men love their women and they desire them.
Desire often starts a relationship and love takes over to keep it going. Desire can leave, creating a sterile relationship with no core. The balance between love and desire is critical in building our life with another.
Need can drive a relationship into the ground. Filling the void in ourselves through another is neediness not desire. It creates co-dependence and destroys the freedom of an inter-dependent relationship. This is common with multiple marriages and affairs.
Do you leave need behind and simply love? Do you love in a way that absorbs desire but doesn’t need it? Do you simply love her for who she is? Love is central to any relationship. Love should flow from you to the other person without demanding anything in return. Love just exists and grows.
During the first few years of living on my own, after leaving my parental home, I felt lonely and lost. I had many friends and colleagues but nobody close to me.
I realise now that I felt a deep need to fill a void. I found someone who made me feel different, made me feel wanted. I hung onto that, it was what I understood to be love. It took many years for me to clarify my emotions, years of turmoil and heartache.
Eventually I was able to see that the relationship was not based on pure love, it was based on need, from both sides. Realising this caused heartache and guilt, but it also created freedom, freedom to find love.
I now live in a new inter-dependent relationship of love and desire. We love to be with, and around, each other, but we can easily be apart. I do not have any neediness around my love and desire. I deal with my needs myself, I resolve my internal issues through help and support, so my love remains clear and pure.
- In your relationships, either current or past, what was the nature of your love? What was the balance between love and desire? Can you see a separation between them?
- What needs do you have that are, or were, being fulfilled by your relationships? Do, or did, they get in the way or confuse matters?
- What needs do you have that are, or were, not being fulfilled? Do, or did, that cause you concern or do you deal with them in other ways?
- What would you feel if you were, or did you feel when you were, apart? Feel this deeply and use it to understand the basis of your relationships.
Other Posts in the series 'Dealing With Chaos'
- 07. Show Me How To Control Others
- 08. Do You Find Intimacy Difficult
- 09. Suffering Is Resistance To Pain
- 10. Look for the Learning in Emotional Pain
- 11. Are You Seeking The Truth?
- 12. Can You Look Forwards And Backwards?
- 13. Do You Blame Or Take Responsibility?
- 14. Are You Aware Of Your Masculinity?
- 15. Enjoy the Dusk, Celebrate the Day
- 16. Dealing With Chaos - Acceptance
- 17. Do You Accept Your Personalities?
- 18. What Do You Like About Yourself?
- 19. What Don’t You Like About Yourself?
- 20. What Would You Like To Change?
- 21. What Are You Willing To Do To Change?
- 22. Describe The Ideal You, The New You
- 23. How Will You Achieve Change?
- 24. Is Your Life A Construction Site Or A Garden?
- 25. How To Live With Uncertainty
- 26. Can You Let Go Of Your Ego?
- 27. Can You Now Accept Who You Are?
- 28. Enjoying The Person You Are
- 29. Celebrate Who You Are - Be Outrageous!
- 30. Dealing With Chaos - Authenticity
- 31. Do You Live Your Life At Full Potential?
- 32. What Vision Do You Have?
- 33. Do You Walk Your Talk?
- 34. What Are Your Spheres Of Influence?
- 35. How Do You Use Your Sexuality?
- 36. How Are You And Your Family?
- 37. How Do You Use Your Power And Strength?
- 38. Can Others Rely On You?
- 39. What Are You Dishonest About?
- 40. What Will You Stake Your Life On?
- 41. What Is Passion? What Drives You?
- 42. Do You Know Your Truth? Do You Speak It?
- 43. What Will Life Look Like Now?
- 44. Dealing With Chaos - Participants Open Their Hearts
Latest posts by Graham Reid Phoenix (see all)
How Yoga Helped Me Find The Stillness In Masculinity
I have found that Yoga has enabled me to balance my personality and find my 'Still Point'. I use it to observe myself and deepen my masculinity with compassion, awareness and understanding. It has transformed me into a man who is both more alive and calmer.- November 2, 2016
Today I Felt the Shame of Being a Man
Graham experiences what it is like to be woman who is not listened to and suppressed. He looks at what men can do to fill this gender gap. Today I felt the pain of being a woman… Today I felt the shame of being a man…- October 26, 2016
Obesity in Men: What Is The Truth
Britain’s fattest man, Carl Thompson, was 33 years old and weighed 65 stone when he died in 2015. For those not from Britain, that is 410 kilos or 910 pounds. He was housebound, bed-ridden and alone. This was a man whose life had moved out of balance, and who ended up in a miserable, early death. This is an example of the issue of obesity in men.- October 16, 2016