How To Love A Woman Course now available. Click here for full details.

cars

The Cars That Made Me a Man

From mountainside picnics to curbside views of conflict to getting to know the girl of his dreams---cars have always shaped my memories.

This faded photograph is from 1958 and is of a memorable family holiday in France. Taking pride of place is my father’s favorite car, the Ford Zephyr Mark II. This was a UK produced car of distinction, it was in production from 1956 to 1962. My mum and dad are in the picture wearing sporty hats with me, in the middle, and one of my brothers.

Continue reading →

The Lesson of the Wall: Why My Anger Looked Different to Me from The Inside Than It Did on the Outside

I often felt the urge to exert control, the need to get people to listen to me. What happened when I resorted to violence to be in charge?

I left home and school at the age of eighteen and went off to work in the theatre, far away from home. I was rebelling against what I felt was a restrictive background. I was shy, not at all sure of myself, and not in control of myself.

Continue reading →

WhatsApp in the Ukraine–When Masculine Paradigms Collide

What will you stand up for, what are you willing to die for? How is this question being played out around the globe.

Like many in Europe, I am cheering on the people who are changing the face of their country through their own personal power. I am cheering for the individual who has made an enormous fortune through the success of his entrepreneurship. Finally I am cheering on the end of the old guard who thought that, today, they could still rule by force and domination.

Continue reading →

It Is About Control Not Sex – Henry Rollins Speaks Out

Rape is generally about control not sex. It is about domination, usually by men of women, although it happens in other combinations as well.

In my view it is not so much a gender issue as a human issue. It is about sad people who cannot see how to live decent lives and take that out on others. What is tragic, though, is how it blights the lives of those involved. Often the lives of the victims are shattered with devastating ripple effects. The lives of the perpetuators are affected as well, often for the rest of their lives. Victims can become perpetuators, and so on.

Continue reading →

Become A Man in 21 Days

Men, you get advice all the time about how to live, but you are wasting your time unless you take action. You need to look at your life and change it if the advice is going to mean anything. Do something to become a man.

I want to make it easier for you to take the action you need to take to put your life in order. I have created and listed 21 actions, below, you can take in your life. They are all specific, practical actions that will improve your life.

Continue reading →

Walls Are Ambiguous, Two-Faced – Just Like The Boundaries We Set

I was trying to exert control over others to force them to do my will. I had no real control over myself, as I discovered over the following years of struggle with my anger.

I realised later in life that you can only control yourself. To lead others you need to be seen to be in control of yourself, then others will respect you and follow you.

Continue reading →

Taking Control – How To Avoid Getting Beaten Up

Have you ever felt the urge to exert control? Have you ever needed to get people to listen to you? Have you ever resorted to violence to be in charge? The answer should be no, but is too often yes!

I left home and school at 18 and went off to work in the theatre. I was rebelling against what I felt was a restrictive background. Yet I was shy and not at all sure of myself.

Continue reading →

Vulnerability And Shame For Men – This Is Not About Weakness

Men see vulnerability as weakness, men see shame as weakness.

Men hide vulnerability and shame under a mask of emotional control, work, status and violence. How can they throw off the mask and start living in the power of vulnerability?

Continue reading →

My Father Was An Angry Man

My sons learned from what I did, not from what I said. They inherited what I learned from my father and he learned from his, to be angry.

My son came back from touring in the UK with his band and came to me for advice. He was a punk drummer at the time, energetic and fast, with his own idiosyncratic life as an artist and musician. His life was sorted out, and he loved what he was doing.

Continue reading →

How Men and Women React to Tragedy and Moral Responsibility

With the tragic shooting of schoolchildren in Newtown, Connecticut, we should all look at how we react and take moral responsibility for what happened. If we did this we would find that we could create a new future by adapting to change. The question is what that change should be.

Yesterday as I came out of ‘El Arbol’ supermarket in Mojacar I saw a large, well-dressed, man shouting at an old, badly-dressed beggar. The man was kicking and hitting the beggar. The beggar looked frightened and kept trying to get out of the way. The attacker was shouting that his wife was in tears because the beggar had been rude to her.

After trying to stop the attack, my first reaction was to wonder what might have happened had this been in the US not Spain. Would guns have been involved? Would there have death rather than bruised egos?

I thought about the different way the man and his wife had reacted to what happened. I remembered an exchange on Facebook I had had the previous day in relation to the tragedy at Newtown, Connecticut.

Continue reading →