Inner Feminine – Let’s have no more of it

I listened to a teleseminar today about men and sex ( and inner feminine) that I thought was going to be a step forward in understanding men. Boy, was I ever wrong.

There was some good stuff about sex, “Let go and relax and discover the truth that is already within. It is already in you now, just let it be, naturally.”

But then we were regaled with balancing the, “Feminine seductive energy and the Masculine hunting energy!” We were told that ‘exaggerated polarity’ was the cause of pain in men. The need to perform is the issue. So let’s all get in touch with our ‘Inner Feminine’ and be receptive. Apparently this is what Tantra teaches.

Well I can tell you that I have practiced Tantra and never learnt that! I learnt to respect the contrasting forces of masculinity and femininity, to learn to balance them in a relationship of two people, not one person.

Inner Feminine and Inner Masculine

There still seems to be this strange idea that there is a continuum between the masculine and the feminine. A single line that defines us. Apparently the problem that men have is that we are trying to be too in our masculine with not enough feminine. Integrate the two, we are told, and we will come out a muddy brown colour with no distinguishing features at all!

The truth is considerably more complex and more simple. Men have lost their centre, their ability to be strong and quiet in the middle of a storm of confusion and chaos. Men have lost their ability to know who on earth they are.

There are four stages to being a man.

  1. As it says above, “Let go and relax and discover the truth that is already within. It is already in you now, just let it be, naturally.
  2. In there find your own personal masculinity, the one you feel deep down inside. Look for  your combination of characteristics such as Presence, Stamina, Grounding, Power, Focus and Containment. Find it, feel it and hold it.
  3. Once you have it and know it then temper it with your own combination of characteristics associated with a woman’s femininity such as Freedom, Chaos, Surrender, Nurturing, Spontaneity and Trust. Make them yours, blend them into your masculinity, expand it, temper it, make it stronger.
  4. Finally detach from the outcome, be yourself and hold your certainty as a man, most of all be present and know yourself.

Let’s stop talking about integrating our feminine and our masculine. Yes, we need to absorb those characteristics which help us touch our compassion and our receptivity, yes, we need to be open and understanding but not at the expense of our own personal masculine strength. No amount of just integrating the feminine will restore our masculinity, it will only dilute and confuse it.


Nobody wants to go back to the masculinity of oppression and power, the macho man chopping down trees and beating his chest but neither do we want to slide further into the wet slime of the integrated man swimming around in a sea of confused masculinity/femininity. What we need are men who understand themselves, understand women and want to live in a society where equality at work and in the home does not mean a dilution of polarity. Let’s have men that women want to be with, men who know themselves and what it means to their women.

We don’t need performance but neither do we need softness. We need men of truth for whom sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy through the power of energy. Men for whom the electricity in a relationship is the kick that makes life worth living.

As I said in ‘Kali’s Sword‘,

Without women, man is powerless, without men, woman cannot exist. It is the power of their combination that is responsible for the creation of the world. The essence of the dynamic and creative forces of creation comes from the inter-twining of the two forms of energy. So as men we need to understand that alone we create death but with women we, together, become a great creative force in the world.”

So let’s leave the ‘Inner Feminine’ alone, shall we! Let men be men and women be women and let us live for each other.