What is it to be a man? That’s a question many of us think we know the answer to and a question that no-one seems to be able to find the answer to. In my view that dichotomy is where the key lies. In ‘Personal Masculinity for Re-Awakened Men’ I said, “The greater power is in a personal approach to masculinity and male behaviour, what I call ‘Personal Masculinity‘. This rejects the single approach to being a man in favour of one that gels with our own personality and energy.”
To be a man, therefore, is to be comfortable with our own personality and energy. Finding this comfort is the core of this 40 Day Cycle. It’s a journey of awareness, acceptance and authenticity. We are nearing the end of the awareness stage and at this point it is appropriate to question our awareness of our Masculinity. Masculinity can be seen as a set of qualities in men that define being a man. These qualities include being Present, Focused, Potent, Dynamic, Grounded and Contained.
Masculinity is not something given to you, but something you gain. And you gain it by winning small battles with honor.Norman Mailer
I became aware of my make-up when I was faced, later in life with starting a new relationship.
I was rejected, in a loving way, by the woman I was spending time with. This happened because she felt I was not aware of myself and was not living in my masculinity. The key was that I was not living there for myself. I was too conscious of my effect on others, specifically her, and was not being true to myself.
When I detached from the outcome of what I was trying to achieve I started looking at my Personal Masculinity and started living in my power and strength. That made the significant difference that my partner, as she is now, was looking for. I was being myself, nothing more, nothing less.
This grounding led to a sense of presence that became the basis of my new feeling of masculinity. I had found what it is to be a man.
- Are you aware of what masculinity is for you? Does this relate to you or to men in general? What is this definition?
- To what extent do you match this picture of masculinity? To what extent do you believe you are ‘Masculine’?
- What qualities do you possess that define you? Do these qualities connect with your view of masculinity?
- How has your view of masculinity, men and yourself changed over time and how would you see it changing in the future?