Embers of Illumination: The Book
- Chapter 1: In The Beginning
- Chapter 2: Young And Brave
- Chapter 3: The Family Way
- Chapter 4: Fear And Flying
- Chapter 5: A New Freedom
- Chapter 6: The Last Lap
Chapter 1: In The Beginning
1.1 The Soul Is The Home Of The Spirit
My being transcends my inadequate mind and suffers my flailing emotions. My being merges, for the present, with my spirit, my soul.
1.2 Coping With the Physical and the Idea of Perfection
The story of my physical existence and how my body tried to rule me.
1.3 The Running Away That Never Happened
I learned to question my life and not fall back on accepting what it was, to seek something better, something that had a sense of purpose in it.
1.4 Beaten Into Submission—How I Embraced Frustration
I will always have inside me the need to control and the tendency to anger, I have dad to thank for that.
1.5 Getting Away From The Screaming In My Head
I was sitting in my room contemplating a blank future, one I had not been prepared for.
1.6 The Loneliness Of It All
I realise that I am not able to completely throw away what was central to me when I was young, no matter how much I now understand it was wrong.
Chapter 2: Young And Brave
2.1 Finding My Voice—Becoming Creative
The need to dominate or control shifted into a desire to influence which then, in its turn, became a love of teaching and inspiring.
2.2 Learning To Live And Not Look After Myself
I had no sense of identity, either in relation to who I was, or who I wanted to be.
2.3 Drink And Drugs—They Are Not The Answers
I may have been lost but I knew how to dull the ache.
2.4 Running Around But Not Getting Anywhere
In the decade between the mid-sixties and the mid-seventies I was out in the world enjoying a sense of freedom.
2.5 Normality Beckons—The End of Freedom
The end of my decade of freedom came when I met a girl and fell in love.
2.6 Still The Loneliness—Still The Void Inside
My loneliness ensured my isolation from influences that could have overwhelmed me. I was lonely with a purpose.
Chapter 3: The Family Way
3.1 It Is Not About Me
As what I set about developing is passed on to my grandchildren, and as they eventually pass it on to their children, I will see the chain of domination and control being broken.
3.2 My Fear Of Responsibility And The Mask
I have looked, previously, at the shift brought about by a growing family, one that moved my focus from me to the others in my life.
3.3 Opening My Mind—How I Stumbled On Something Vital For My Sanity
I lived with my fear of responsibility and set about building my personal strength and power behind it.
3.4 Impending Crisis And My Inability To Cope
This period was a crucial turning point in my life and in my understanding of myself. I was unable to help others involved, something that has upset me ever since.
3.5 Spreading My Wings, Finding Inner Light
I moved on from my anxieties by appealing to a higher power, by looking beyond myself.
3.6 It Is Not About Loneliness—Growing Beyond Yourself
I no longer played small in the world, I allowed my presence to liberate others.
Chapter 4: Fear And Flying
4.1 What Is It About? Success Or Failure?
As I move into chapter three and past the halfway point in my story it will be helpful to pause and consider where I am in my journey.
4.2 Finding My Niche—My Creative Contribution To The World
I was at the peak of my creativity and I understood why I had become a lighting designer: I was good at it but it also entered my soul as my life's work. I look back on it with pride and a sense of satisfaction that I have contributed something significant to the world.
4.3 Growing Strong, Becoming a Businessman
I was moving forward as a designer but here I was becoming a businessman. I was not sure, at this stage, which I got the most out of.
4.4 Losing My Spirit As My World Crashes
I spent so many years so full of what I was capable of that I never stopped to look at what was going on underneath. I never stopped and looked at the people around me to see what was happening to them.
4.5 Moving On To A New Life
I now made a choice to live my way without expecting others to live my way. I loved it and came to wonder why it had taken me so long to get here.
4.6 What Is Loneliness? What Is Life About?
Loneliness ceased to exist for me because it merely measured me against other people not against what I could be. I could be with people, or not, that did not matter, what mattered was what I was to myself.
Chapter 5: A New Freedom
5.1 I Find Myself And Explore Leadership
My personal quest now entered a void that enabled me to grow and focus on myself and my future.
5.2 I Lose Myself—And Find A New Me
I was not where I wanted to go yet, but I was back at the beginning and I was living a more authentic life.
5.3 The Far Journey To Unknown Places
What happened was life-changing and life-affirming.
5.4 No Return As My Spirit Grows
In my travels around the world I travelled inside myself.
5.5 Writing My Way Home—Exploring My Masculinity
I was changing and developing a greater understanding of the big picture. I was starting to see my role in the growing spiritual world I was living in.
5.6 Leaving Loneliness Behind—Resolving My Personalities
The resolution of my personalities is not about will-power or control, it is not about denying myself or resisting what I want, it is about accepting and loving who I really am, it is about living honestly and completing the journey I have been on all my life. This excites me. This is my future.
Chapter 6: The Last Lap
6.1 The Depth Of My Awareness
Awareness is the gateway to the opening of my heart, mind and soul. How does this awareness fit with ideas of consciousness?
6.2 Acceptance And The Reality Of Truth
Acceptance is about bringing myself out of the shadows and being open about myself.
6.3 Authenticity And Courage—Is It Just Doing Nothing?
Authenticity is such a hot potato. People have such powerful reactions to any claim to be authentic. What is the issue with this? Why are people so afraid of claims of authenticity? What is authenticity?
6.4 A New Life: Sat Purusha
I am on my own and I am part of others. In my solitude I live with others and welcome them into my life. They do not make me or complete me.
6.5 Signs To My Soul—The Eagle And The Sparrow
To connect with the deeper sense in my soul, I need to read the signs that are put in my path by Source.
6.6 Aloneness Is All About Wholeness
Aloneness is a state of being that recognises that we are part of the whole of consciousness.