Session 8 - Be A Leader

Being a leader is about how you influence others. In your relationship, it is important that your love gives your partner freedom to be herself, freedom to fly and be a woman. You become a leader, not just in your life, but in your relationship.

Leadership, Influence, Freedom





Leadership is a process whereby a person influences others to achieve a common goal. In your relationship, you influence your partner to achieve the common goal of a relationship. Leadership is learned and the skills and knowledge you have is influenced by your beliefs, values, ethics, and character. To be successful, you have to create trust and confidence.

You lead through communication, mostly nonverbal. In your partner's eyes your leadership is everything you do affecting the relationship and her well-being. The basis of good leadership is honorable character and selfless service to your partner or family. You start by leading yourself first, by understanding your own needs, emotions, and your motivation. Then you learn the needs, emotions and motivation of your partner or your family.

The principles of leadership:

  • Know yourself, seek self-improvement. Understand your attributes.
  • Take responsibility for your actions. When things go wrong, do not blame your partner.
  • Be a good role model. Become the change you want to see, it starts with you.
  • Know your partner and look out for her well-being. Know the importance of caring.
  • Know how to communicate. Know yourself, know your partner, and communicate.


Two variables determine how much of your thoughts and actions are influenced by the people around you; your consciousness and resilience as an individual and the collective sum of the consciousness of the people you're with. Your separate spheres of influence overlap and reveal whether you show the same personality at work and with friends.

The consciousness you live in affects the kind of thoughts you have and the actions you take. Spending time with successful, positive-minded people who take responsibility for their lives, assists you to become a proactive individual who shapes his future. If you want a great relationship surround yourself with people who have relationships that work.


Surrender means to love without limits, it means to relax your guard so your partner can feel your core, authentic, unhidden and undefended. True surrender is about relaxing through emotional needs and magnifying your desire to give and receive unbounded love.

Women often believe that to have a deep relationship they have to give up their freedom. If they do, something dies inside. A man can change this by changing the meaning of surrender in a relationship to: letting go of resistance and realizing the deep power of who you are.

The ultimate result of surrender is freedom; freedom to be and do what you want. When a man surrenders himself in a relationship he gives his woman complete freedom to be whatever she is and wants to be. This unites the concepts of leadership and freedom; as a man you can expand your relationship to heights beyond your expectations.


Set aside time to think through your answers to the questions. They are intended to get you thinking about your influences. Write your answers either in this worksheet or start a journal. Also write your emotional or other reactions.

  1. What are the different spheres of influence in your life? List the different areas of your life, the different activities where you are now.
  2. Do these areas overlap or are they kept separate? How do they overlap? How do they influence each other?
  3. How could you integrate these parts of your life? Do you feel you need to be a more integrated person to others?
  4. How do you create a safe environment for others? Do you provide a container for others to flourish and develop, especially your partner?


This is an exercise to identify your core circle of friends, your environment. Write down the answers to the following questions:

  • What kind of person do you want to be? What are the qualities you want to possess?
  • Who are the 5 people you spend the most time with in your life currently? What are they like? What are the top 3 qualities each of them stand for?
  • Do they match who you want to become in the future? Do their qualities match who you want to become? Do they help enable or disable your vision for yourself? Do they elevate you or bring you down?
  • Who are the top 5 people who embody the qualities you desire? They should be people you aspire to become and/or respect in some way or another.
  • How can you increase contact with them, or others like them?

Depending on who the people are, you can use the following methods to reach out to them:

  • Direct contact. This can be via face-to-face contact, telephone or via email/internet.
  • Products or their work. If direct communication does not work out, you can always bring the person to you in the form of his/her works.
  • Visualization. This can be the most powerful method of communication. It can be used in daily life, where you project their persona onto you in your situations and think/act the way you think they will.

What will happen as you increase your contact with these 5 people? If you connect with them every day your consciousness will shifts to a new level. You will find that you start thinking in the same wavelength and start talking about the same topics as them.

By choosing who you spend time with, you are shaping your future. Start by examining the people you spend the most time around. Consider if these people are enabling you towards your envisioned self. If they are not, identify and increase contact with the people who will enable you to become the best person you can be.