Session 1: Be In Your Core

In ‘Be In Your Core’ you will learn how to be in your core. You will discover your core masculinity, the masculinity you were born with. That is your starting point for the journey. That is what you will build on. You will come to feel your male energy, that drive that is deep down inside you. You will learn about focus. Focus is the first of the essential male qualities that I introduce. Focus is crucial. Focus is often what defines a man.

In ‘Be In Your Core’ you will learn how to be in your core. You will discover your core masculinity, the masculinity you were born with. That is your starting point for the journey. That is what you will build on. You will come to feel your male energy, that drive that is deep down inside you. You will learn about focus. Focus is the first of the essential male qualities that I introduce. Focus is crucial. Focus is often what defines a man.

Core Masculinity, Male Energy, Focus

Video

Audio

Be In Your Core – Summary

Core Masculinity

What is a definition of masculinity? What is a man?

  • Male is a biological term. It is a simple, straightforward definition of physical sex.
  • Man means an adult male with associated qualities such as courage and virility.
  • Maleness suggests biological properties associated with sex and virility.
  • Manhood is the state of being a man as distinguished from being a child or a woman.
  • Masculinity is the trait of behaving in ways considered typical for a man.

There are differences between masculine and feminine. The three major viewpoints are:

  • The differences are genetic. They are part of our physical makeup.
  • The differences are socialised. They are created by our cultural upbringing.
  • The differences are given by god and are meant for the procreation of children.

There are a number of factors which determine a man’s sex or gender.

  • Genetic sex. A male is a male because his genes carry a Y chromosome.
  • Gonadal sex. The sex glands are invaded by male sex cells, creating male sex glands.
  • Genital sex. Testosterone is secreted by the male sex cells creating the genitals.
  • Gender role. Testosterone leaves a male imprint on the brain cells of the foetus.
  • Gender identity. A boy develops himself as a man and his sexual nature.

Accepting core masculinity is accepting the essence that you are born with. This means:

  • Understanding what it is and living authentically with it.
  • Understanding how you have been socialized by family, friends and society.
  • Celebrating the differences between men and women and their equality.
  • Understanding social norms as models created by the dominant culture or media.

Male Energy

This is the key to being a man. Many men never find their male energy. They become weak as men. Many of the problems that men face are because their male energy is suppressed. They experience sexual problems or intimacy problems.

Focus

To focus means to be completely absorbed by the task in hand and not distracted by what else is happening. Women understand the need to be focused and want to be with a man who is focused. That is why presence is so important. When you are with your woman, you need to be with her.

Be In Your Core – Worksheet

Set aside time to think through your answers to the questions. They are intended to get you thinking about masculinity and your attitude to it. Write your answers either in this worksheet or start a journal. Also write your emotional or other reactions.

  1. What is masculinity for you? Does this relate to you or to men in general? Have you always felt this way?
  2. To what extent do you match this image of masculinity? To what extent do you believe you are masculine?
  3. Do you have a sense of your core masculinity, of what you are naturally? How has this core masculinity been influenced by your mother or your father?
  4. How has your view of masculinity, men and yourself changed over time? How would you see it changing in the future?

Be In Your Core – Exercise

This is an exercise on masculinity, looking at your core masculinity. Watch the supplementary video to help explain the exercise.

Video

Audio

Masculinity and femininity exist as polar opposites in sexual polarity, it is necessary that they do, but that is between two people. Within a person the situation is far more complex. The concept of six essentially masculine qualities and six essential feminine qualities helps to clarify this. Everyone has access to these qualities and can develop them. People live with they’re own combination of the qualities so that an individual’s masculinity or femininity is a matrix of the extent to which they embody the qualities.

There are six essentially masculine qualities and six essential feminine qualities. Everyone has access to these qualities. You live with your own combination of them, your masculinity is a matrix of the extent to which you embody the qualities.

Do the exercise in relation to where you are now in your masculinity. You will rate yourself against all 12 qualities where you were before embarking on the course. The rating is 1 to 5.

  • 1 = “I feel like I don’t have this quality.”
  • 2 = “I feel I have elements of this quality, but it’s hidden.”
  • 3 = “I feel I have this quality to some extent, but I would like to change it.”
  • 4 = “I feel I have this quality and feel happy with it,”
  • 5 = “I feel I fully embody this quality.”

The Masculine Qualities

  • Grounded: It is be in touch with reality and able to resist pressure and events around you. So there is a solidity to you, you can’t be thrown off. You are what you are. You’re not immovable, but you are not buffeted by the winds of femininity blowing around you.
  • Leadership: A leader is able to provide all his own needs and able to provide the needs of others allowing them to feel safe. This goes beyond physical needs, but it’s about emotional and psychological needs. You know what your needs in life are and fill them. You know your responsibility to others whether they’re you partner, children, employees or colleagues. You’re able to provide for their needs and do what’s necessary to create an appropriate relationship with them.
  • Potent: This is being strong, powerful and fully in charge of your sexuality. The key part is being fully in charge of your sexuality, not letting it take charge of you, as many men do. One of the problems that many men face is the fact that they are not in charge. They let their sexuality take over, that’s where abusive and rape and dominance comes from. This physically harms women, but it also harms the reputation of men.
  • Dynamic: It’s the ability to keep going, to be able to enjoy life, to be full of energy, to have stamina. Alexander the Great crossed the known world in twelve years with forty thousand men. They walked ten thousand miles, they had the stamina to keep going and keep going.
  • Present: It’s being in the moment and completely attentive to the person you’re with or the event you’re at. Its a quality that is loved and sought by women in their men. The ability to be present, to be there, to be focused, to be totally with another person.
  • Focus: To get completely absorbed by the task in hand and not be distracted by what else is happening. It’s the ability to just close in and write, or make, or design, or create, or build, or whatever it is you do. Whatever it is you’re focused, you should be totally absorbed by it.

The Feminine Qualities

  • Free: That means being open and unrestricted, able to be involved in anything and seeking everything. That is so characteristic of woman. They think about everything, all at the same time. Multitasking comes easy to them. They seek to know and be involved in everything. It’s quite frightening for a man to watch.
  • Spontaneous: Spontaneous is the ability to react from the emotion of the situation and make quick assessments. This is where logic seems to disappear. It’s just a reaction, an emotion, an assessment, it just happens.
  • Intuitive: Being intuitive is when you act on an innate sense of what’s happening and are able to know beyond the senses. It’s when you just know what’s happening. Feminine intuition is famous and is so often right. It so often gets the situation perfectly. It’s when a woman seems able to know without knowledge.
  • Sceptical: Being sceptical is when you question others, particularly, those closest to you, looking for certainty. This is the source of feminine testing, where a woman tests you, all the time. A woman tests by questioning because she needs to trust. She needs to trust the person she’s with. She needs to know that it’s going to be safe, that everything’s going to be okay. She needs to know that she can relax and love.
  • Accepting: It’s the ability to accept circumstances once trust is established. A woman is more able to accept a situation, able to conciliate, able to accept different points of view. They don’t feel the requirement to force their point of view on others.
  • Nurturing: That’s caring for others as well as yourself, finding compassion in any situation. This is closely aligned to a woman being a mother, with the need to keep her children, her family, safe and well. There’s a deep need to care and nurture. Many women focus their lives in this area.

All of these characteristics are available to you. They act as a model to help you understand yourself. They don’t specify how to be masculine. They indicate, for you as a man, where masculinity lies.

Keep these ratings, you will need them at the end of the course.

Transcript

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Hi. I’m Graham Phoenix and I want to welcome you to Session 1 of the course How to Love a Woman. Session 1 is called Be in your Core and it covers aspects of core masculinity, male energy and focus. This twelve-week course is a journey to help you find answers to the questions men have asked throughout the ages. How can I love a woman? How can I love my woman? How can I be with a woman? How can I be man enough? In the introduction session, I took you through an outline of what the course is about, the progress you are going to make through the three months that you are going to be on this journey. This first session is about your core, is about yourself. It’s about what’s there, deep inside you and it’s about looking at yourself and challenging yourself to be something more.

I believe a man grows strong through challenge. In tribal societies, boys become men by undertaking a ritual. That’s what this course is. This is a ritual. This is a challenge for you, a transformation to transform you into the kind of man who can love your woman. It was General George Patten who said, “Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best. It removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood.” So it is important that you go into this journey full of courage, full of the sense of duty that you have to yourself and to your woman.

Women ask, “Where are the men?” Men seem to have lost their strength, lost their power. If you find yours, you will become the man that women see and admire. You can be that man, the man who can love a woman, the man who can love your woman.

So in this session called Be in your Core, we start by looking at masculinity, at core masculinity, but it is important that this is the masculinity that you are born with. This is the masculinity that is you inside without all the extra stuff, if you like, that has built up on it over the years. We also go on to look at your male energy. That is the energy that you feel, that force deep down inside you, the force that takes you through life that gives you such power and strength when you need it.

Then we look at your ability to focus. This is the first of the essential masculine qualities. The ability to focus is absolutely connected to the core and to your energy. That ability to tie yourself in to what you are doing and to let everything else go. It is important that you really pay attention to this session if you are unsure of your sense of masculinity and you feel disconnected from your male energy. I meet a lot of men who are in the situation where they are just not sure of themselves. They are not sure of who they are and they are not sure of how they can project themselves into the world.

The session is also important for you if you find that you do not feel like a man and are concerned about what others think about you. Again, I know many men who get concerned about what women think of them, about whether they think they are a man. Well, a man who really discovers his manhood and masculinity doesn’t have to worry about that because he knows what he is.

This session is also important for you if you find it difficult to focus on the task in hand, whatever you are doing and you find it difficult to achieve growth or success. Many businesses fail because the business owners just find it difficult, in the end, to focus on what they are doing. That comes from a lack of certainty in themselves and a lack of confidence in themselves and who they are.

So why do you want to proceed with this? Why do you want to learn about your core masculinity? Why is delving into and discovering your male energy important for you? How would it be in your life? If you could avoid any feeling of weakness or concern about what others think about you? How would it be if you just felt strong and confident as to who you were and you were not concerned at all about what others thought of you? How would it be in your life if you developed the ability to focus and grow in whatever endeavor you are engaged in, in whatever field you want to move forward in? Would that make a difference to your life? Would that help you build who and what you are?

You see, this subject that we are dealing with in this session applies to you, directly to you because understanding your masculinity will clarify your understanding of yourself. For me, as a man, it goes that way round because your masculinity is a key part of who you are and to understand who you are, you need to understand your core, your essence. If you fully engage in this session and if you learn from it and really absorb it into your life, you will find a strength that will be noticeable to others, especially to women and that’s one of the real focuses of this course on How to Love a Woman. It’s the fact that because you are what you are or what you become, that is noticed by others and that is particularly noticed by women and will be particularly noticed by your woman. It’s that inner strength. It’s that inner power that is so effective in creating a masculinity that you can be proud of.

So to look at this, we need to start by looking at what it is to be a man. What is a definition of masculinity? What is a man? I think it might help us to clarify a few definitions and lay out the ground before we go any further.

You know, we talk about masculinity and we throw it around and “being a man,” but do we really know what it means beyond the kind of stereotypical men that you see in magazines or adverts? Do you really know what it is or is the issue that you are unsure of what it means to be a man, that you are unsure of what having masculinity means? So I’m going to go from, sort of, male Mr. Manhood to try and just clear up some definitions and work towards an understanding of what it is and therefore, what it is that you are trying to achieve.

First of all, male. Male means the sex that produces young by fertilizing eggs. It’s a strictly biological term, which has no connotations to it. It is a simple, straightforward definition of sex, physical sex. A purely physical definition of a male. Secondly, the word ‘man’, well, the oldest meaning of man is “of the human race.” It is a meaning, now, which is often regarded as sexist. Particularly, the feminist movement dislikes the use of “man” to describe humans and when you consider how it has been abused over the years, that probably makes a lot of sense, but in a narrower sense, it has also come to mean male and an adult male with associated qualities such as courage and virility. There are many other shades of meaning, but the generally accepted ones suggest qualities beyond the straightforward sex definition. So to say someone is a man usually means that he is male, but with added positive qualities: courage, virility, strength, power, whatever. We go through those a lot more during these three months.

Then we go on to “maleness.” Maleness is properties characteristic of the male sex. Generally, biological properties associated with sex. Maleness, virility, the ability to make love, the ability to have children. It is quite a narrow definition. It’s about properties, characteristics.

We go on to the word “manhood.” Manhood is the state of being a man as distinguished from being a child or a woman. It does incorporate manly qualities such as courage, bravery, resolution and is, really, much more of a cultural than an individual characteristic. In tribal societies, you would talk about getting to a stage of manhood. That is going through a ritual which moves you from being a child into a man.

Then we come on “masculinity.” This is the key definition, masculinity. It is traditionally considered to be characteristic of a man, funnily enough. It is the trait of behaving in ways considered typical for a man. Obviously, many people have different definitions of what they consider to be masculine and they are all influenced by their personal experience of their culture. Masculinity is, really, accepted as a gender definition rather than a definition of sex. So you can talk about a woman being masculine and that would mean a woman having the characteristics of a man. It does not require having the physical capabilities of being a man. It is, really, more of a cultural definition of what we see the generally accepted qualities of a man to be. One of the issues with this is that many of these qualities and many of these definitions of masculinity are created by the media and the shift of change and are generally unhelpful.

This is a subject we go into much further into the course. How you actually grow and develop a masculinity that is true to you, that means something to you. It is important that you do that. It is important that you see beyond the stereotypes that you are faced with day after day. Masculinity, for me, is not about stereotypes, but is about developing the characteristics that, for you, make up a man. There are disagreements over the source of the differences that are perceived over gender definitions. There are differences between men and women, between masculine and feminine, between male and female. What are the sources of those differences? The three major viewpoints are:

  • The differences are genetic. They are part of our physical makeup, much as our obvious differences are, purely physical ones.
  • The differences are socialized. They are purely created by our cultural upbringing and are just learned so, in that definition, we are really all the same, but are trained to be different.
  • The differences are given by God and are meant for the procreation and protection of children. That is, obviously, a very religious view upon the matter.

According to Derek Llewellyn Jones in his book Everyman, there are a number of factors which determine a man’s sex or gender or whatever you like to call it. The first factor is genetic sex. So a male is a male because his genes carry a Y chromosome. It is a simple, biological fact that when an egg is fertilized by a sperm, depending on the genetic makeup of that egg, a male or female is created. Secondly, again, within the womb is what’s called gonadal sex and that is where his sex glands are invaded by male sex cells that create male sex glands. Then number three is genital sex and that is where testosterone is secreted by the male sex cells and the genitals are developed and that all takes place within the womb.

And then there is what is called the gender role and that, again, is in the womb. It’s where the testosterone that’s flooding around the mother, flooding around the fetus, leaves a male imprint on the brain cells of the fetus and that once he is born and becomes a boy, a child, a man. Makes it better able to respond to and copy male role models and there is a lot of evidence that this washing if, you like, of the brain, does create a difference.

And then there is gender identity, which is that through self awareness and environmental influences he develops his knowledge of himself as a man and develops a secular side. So the gender identify is very much the influence of parents and peers, but the important thing is that that identity is built upon that gender role and that is where I see the concept of poor masculinity because we are born with this imprint in our brains, this imprint of being a man, this imprint of masculinity. It creates something that is there inside us and will always be there inside us. It is, to a large extent, fixed. Although, it is changeable through the awareness that comes with gender identity. So core masculinity is what might be described as a man’s gender role. It is the masculinity that is with you from birth and it is important that you discover this innate sense of masculinity.

So the way forward, as I see it, in terms of this whole subject of gender, is to accept that there is a core essence that you are born with.

  • Understand what that is.
  • Seek to live authentically with it.
  • Understand how you have been socialized by family, friends and society and look at what you can do to make your own decisions on that.
  • Celebrate the differences between men and women and treat others as equal in those differences.
  • Understand that social norms are simply models created by a dominant culture of media. These male stereotypes are not to be adhered to unless they are appropriate to you.

If you take those points, I think you can move forward in the whole area of sex, gender and equality and all the issues that come out of that.

So what is male energy? Well, in my eBook, Male Energy, which I wrote a couple of years ago, I described it as follows:

For a man, it is the life force itself. It sits like a dragon, deep down in the first chakra at the base of his body, deep in the heart of his sexuality. It sits waiting to be released, waiting to be unleashed. It is ever present, always waiting for its moment, always ready. It controls the flow of energy in a man’s physical body which influences his emotions, his mind and his spirit. From its center in the physical, its power is strong. In the physical body, male energy is all powerful. It creates our strength, it gives us our edge. It’s inside the testosterone-fueled hardness in the body. It builds our muscles and gives us our stamina, allowing us to continue through difficulty and stress. It drives our sexuality, creating the powerful need to empty out our bodies. It grows inside us, filling us, pushing its way to every part of us which vibrate and tingle as the energy takes over.

It takes over our emotions, throwing us through love, anger, fear and mixing them up until we don’t know what we feel anymore. They twist and tangle, dragging our body with them, turning us inside out. It invades our mind, racing through our thoughts, turning them in on themselves. It plays tricks on us, making us feel immense and all-powerful, thinking we are God, thinking we are it. It fuels our spirit as we melt into the great unknown. We become part of the universe, we become the universe. We are one with everyone and everything. We are everything. We see the truth and we are it. We empty out, complete, finished. We are broken on the back of the energy raging through us. We pant. Our blood races through our bodies. It is over, but inside, our male energy reigns supreme. We are gods.

This is the key to you as a man. Beyond the scientific and intellectual discussion on gender is the reality of what you feel inside. What drives you? Without your male energy you can be nothing. Many men let go or never find their male energy. Maybe they never had it. Maybe they never experienced it. Without it, they become weak as men. It is not that they become feminine. It is that their masculinity weakens. They can become submissive, withdrawn, unable to control the life they lead. Many of the problems that men face are because their male energy is suppressed. They could experience sexual problems, intimacy problems, but it is probably safe to say that the difficulties men face in being able to love their women, often come from a weak male energy. We will see later that it is important to understand that living in your male energy does not mean becoming dominant or cruel, however.

Male energy drives everything we do. It also drives and creates that ability for us to focus, to become directed, to become totally absorbed in ourselves, in our purpose, in what we are doing. To focus means to be completely absorbed by the task in hand and not be distracted by what else is happening. It is important that you develop an awareness of how this works and how you can put it to good use. David Deida, in his book, The Way of the Superior Man, said:

Admit to yourself, that if you had to choose one or the other, the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose to succeed at your purpose. Just this self-knowledge often relieves much pressure a man feels to prioritize his relationship when, in fact, it is not his highest priority.

It is important to understand that women understand this and actually want to be with a man with who is focused and directed. That is why presence is so important. When you are with your woman, you need to be with her. We discuss this later, but, as David Deide goes on to say, “The time you spend with your woman should be time you really want to be with her more than anything else. If you would rather be doing something else, she will feel it. Both of you will be dissatisfied.” If you don’t develop focus, if you don’t bring it into your life, you will find that you will be lacking in purpose. You will be rudderless, unsure of yourself, not knowing what to do. It is important that you build that focus along with your core masculinity, along with delving into your male energy.

So how do we go about getting closer to these issues, getting deeper into the knowledge of these issues of core essence? Well, I will give you three action steps to take and just taking these will help you get into your core, get into that process of deepening your core. The first step is to print out the worksheets. You will find the details below you and set aside time to think through and write down your answers. The questions are intended to get you thinking about the whole subject of masculinity and, in particular, your attitude to it. Either use the worksheet itself or start a journal just for this course. Write your answers in the journal and write your emotional or other reactions to them.

As you progress through the course, the journal can become an extremely useful resource for you and for your growth. The second step is to print out the exercise on core masculinity. Set aside some time to work on this and work on it in peace, on your own, without disturbance. Take your time doing it and really feel your reactions, deep down inside. It is important that you look at this from the perspective of who you are, who you have always been, not who you are going to become. The answers will be used later in the course as the base level for who you are and who you want to become.

It is crucial that you do this exercise now, before you move on. You want this base level. You want this base understanding. The exercise looks at the masculinity and feminine qualities and asks you to rate yourself so that you get some idea of your buildup of your makeup. The third action step is to set aside a time with your partner to talk about how she sees you as a man. It is important that you seek her views without any comment or criticism. You need to understand what she thinks and what that says about you. Doing this is the start of the process of learning how to love her and her seeing change in you.

But if you want to do something straightaway, the most immediate thing you can do to start on this journey is to go and find your partner and tell her you love her. Do this with sincerity and with real love. If you don’t feel it yet, that is okay. Just say it and ensure that she believes it. If you like, you can tell her what you are doing and what your intention is, but the important thing is to say it and then keep on saying it. Say it every day. Say it several times a day. Don’t wait for her to say it. Just say it.

So it is time, now, for you to go on and do the exercises and do the work. Have a great time. I know you will find this of enormous benefit in what you are doing, but let me just finish with a little story about myself. It is just a clarification because it is a clarification of the story I told at the introduction. When I was trying to persuade the woman who is now my wife that we could be amazing together, I was not in my masculine core. I was weak and pleading and I was hurt by her reaction. The thing was that she could see this in me. She wanted no part of it. She said to me that, even if I did it for myself, just for myself, I needed to look into myself and find my masculinity. Well, later on, this is just what I did. I let go of being with her and I focused on myself and my masculinity. I found my strength, I became grounded and I worked on how to make this permanent in my life.

Now, we are together. We work together in the same room, writing, designing and communicating. Much of the time, I fall deep into whatever project I am working on. At the moment, it’s writing this course. She loves to see that strength of focus in me, the focus which is part of who I am as a man. Who I am and what I do emerged to create power in me. Now, it is your turn. Go and create power in yourself, Be In Your Core. Thank you.

Transcript Masculine and Feminine Qualities

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Hi, this is a small supplementary session to ‘Be In Your Core’ just to clarify the exercises on masculinity. This exercise is carried out at the beginning of the course looking at your core masculinity and it’s also carried out at the end of the course looking at your personal masculinity. I think this is such an important exercise that I just wanted to clarify issues to do with it and just go through and explain it a bit more clearly. What it’s based on is that I don’t think…I don’t believe that there is what is generally held to be a continuum on a line, if you like, between masculine and feminine. Most people talk about masculinity and femininity as being opposites, that if you’re not masculine, you’re feminine and vice versa. This also means that when, say, a man is weak in his masculinity, there tends to be an idea that he is moving into his femininity and there’s also a parallel accusation of women being masculine when they are not being feminine. This does not, in my mind, clarify the situation or even help at all.

What I have developed along with my wife, Urmila, is the concept of six, what we call, essentially masculine qualities and six essential feminine qualities and that everyone can have these qualities and can develop these qualities and can live with these qualities and that everyone’s masculinity or femininity becomes a matrix, if you like, of the extent to which they embody these qualities. And indeed, people might change along with different fields of endeavor that they’re in. So, for example, in a business environment, a woman may develop more essentially masculine qualities, which she then can let go off in her personal life. So there’s flow and flexibility in this.

I carry out these two exercises. You will rate yourself against these qualities. So in case of core masculinity, you will rate where you are before you really embark on this course and in personal masculinity, you will rate yourself where you want to be after you’ve finished. The rating is very simple. It’s just a one to five rating, with one being “I feel like I don’t have this quality.” Two, “I feel I have elements of this quality, but it’s hidden.” Three, “I feel I have this quality to some extent, but I would like to change it.” Four, “I feel I have this quality and feel happy with it,” and five, “I feel I fully embody this quality.” So I what I want to do now is to just briefly go through the essentially masculine and feminine qualities, just to help you understand what they are.

So, first of all, the masculine qualities – the first one is grounded, that is in touch with reality and able to resist pressure and events around you. So there is a solidity to you. There is the fact that can’t be thrown off. You are what you are. You are solid and you’re not immovable, but you are not buffeted by the winds, if you like, blowing around you. Second is leadership. A leader is able to provide all his own needs and able to provide the needs of others allowing them to feel safe. This goes beyond sort of just the concept of physical needs, but it’s about emotional psychological needs. Leader is someone who knows himself, of what his needs in his life. He’s also someone who knows that he’s of others whether that’s partner, children, employees, colleagues, employers, that you’re able to provide the needs and do what’s necessary to create what needs to be created.

Third quality is potent, which is being strong, powerful and fully in charge of your sexuality and that’s someone who is, obviously, in a sexual sense is able to be strong and powerful, but the key part is the second where you’re fully in charge of it. One of the problems and issues that many men face is the fact that they are not in charge of this. They let their sexuality take over and that’s where abusive rape and all the dominance comes that really harms men. Obviously, physically harms women, but harms the reputation of men. The fourth quality is dynamic, that ability to keep going, to be able to enjoy, to be full of energy, to have stamina, that ability to cross continents. The ability that Alexander the Great had to cross the known world of twelve years with forty thousand men, to keep going and to be and to keep being and keep being and keep being.

The fifth quality is present and that’s being in the moment and completely attentive to the person you’re with or the event you’re at. That is a quality that is so loved and sought by women, that ability to be present, to be there, to be focused, to really be totally in and with that person. The last quality is focus, but focus in a different sense. To get completely absorbed by the task in hand and not distracted by what else is happening, that ability to just close in and write, or make, or design, or create, or build, whatever it is you do, whatever it is you’re focused, that you should be able to be totally absorbed by it.

By contrast we have the essentially feminine qualities. The first one is free. That’s open and unrestricted, able to be involved in anything and seeking everything. That’s so much what is characteristic of woman. They think about everything at the same time that doing three different things at once, multitasking and they seek everything. They seek to know and be involved in everything. It’s quite frightening for a man to watch. The second quality is spontaneous. Spontaneous is when you react from the emotion of the situation and make quick assessments. This is where logic seems to disappear. It’s just a reaction, an emotion, an assessment and going forward. It just happens. Of course aligned with that is the third quality, which is intuitive. Intuitive is when you act on an innate sense of what’s happening and are able to know beyond the senses. It’s when you just know what’s happening. Feminine intuition is famous and is so often right. It so often gets the situation perfectly. It’s when you’re able just to know without knowledge.

The fourth quality is skeptical. Skeptical is where you question others, particularly, those closest to you looking to be shown certain to. This is a source of feminine testing where a woman tests you all the time. A woman is testing, questioning and it’s because she needs to trust. She needs to trust the person she’s with. She needs to know that it’s going to be safe, that everything’s going to be okay. She needs to know that she can relax and love and then you go on to quality five, which is accepting and that’s the ability to accept circumstances once trust is established. A woman is far more able to accept what a situation is, that able to conciliate, that able to accept different people having different points of view. They don’t feel the requirement to force their point of view on other people. They accept where you are, where everybody is.

Then moving on with that is the sixth quality, which is nurturing. That’s caring for others as well as the self, finding compassion in any situation. This is clearly very closely aligned with a woman’s childbearing qualities, with the need she has to bring up her children, to look after her family. There’s a deep need to care, nurture and these move on into profession such as nursing, religious pursuits, women who want to care all the time.

Finally, just understand that all of these characteristics are available to all of us, to all of you. They act as a model to help you understand how you grow. They don’t specify how to be masculine. They just indicate, for you as a man, where masculinity mark lies and as you do the exercises, you will find out the first exercise on core masculinity where your masculinity lies now and in the final exercise when you do the personal masculinity, you will put together where you want to be and what kind of man you want to be, that works for you and your life. Remember, Be In Your Core. Thank you.