I strive to be open. I seek to be myself. Achieving this can be difficult. It almost seems impossible. I have delved into my core, I have come out from behind my mask, I have re-built my boundaries, but there is something still there.
Perhaps I am trying too hard? Perhaps I am seeking and missing the solution? Maybe it is there all the time?
Earlier in this series I told the story of the shift I made in my relationship. I stopped trying to make it work, I stopped persuading. I just became me, whatever that was. When I got back home Urmila saw the difference, she saw the man inside.
Openness is the solution, the simple solution. It is about letting the light in to the man inside, letting the light reveal the simplicity of what is there.
Authenticity is about letting go of trying to be anything.
When I try I end up creating something that is not there. It is that creation that causes the problem. That creation builds something artificial on top of the internal reality. Holding the honesty of my internal reality is the simple solution to all the problems of connection.
The difficulty I create for myself is thinking that I know better. I set my mind to work and it takes what it sees and judges it. That judgement finds fault and sees what could be better. But that is only what could be better not what is.
Whatever I am is what I am, authenticity comes from the openness of letting that light shine through.
Of course I can always work to change things, to create new shifts, but that is to come. Today is what is happening now. Today accepts the warts and all.
When I attended Tantra weekends in the Netherlands there were many times when I stood naked in front of the other participants. There was no hiding there, there was no chance to pretend I looked other than I did. I would want to be slimmer, more muscular, have matching legs, but I was not and did not.
It worked because we were all standing naked and wishing we looked better, fitter, more attractive. But we did not. Our ability to be open with each other made it work. The trick is to take that idea and integrate it with the rest of my life.
I have been through the work of awareness. I have looked at every aspect of myself and found what I was hiding away from, discovered what I did not want revealed. I have been through the work of acceptance. I have considered all that I have found out and accepted it, become one with it, drawn it into my life.
Now the work of authenticity is before me. But this is easy after all, it just needs me to do nothing. I need to find the courage to just be me, I need to take on board the compassion to just be me.
“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness, It’s about cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think—No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking—Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”—Brené Brown
I am enough, I am worthy of love.
- Do you practice openness?
- Are you enough?
- Are you worthy of love?