Be The Man Your Woman Will Love
When I talk about 'How To Love a Woman', I really mean 'How To Be The Man Your Woman Will Love'. It is about how you are, as a man, in yourself. How you show up, how you portray yourself? It is learning how to live.
In the story of my relationship with my wife I talk about the shift I made, about the transformation. It is important to understand that the shift was not where I suddenly learned about women and how to love them. It was where I suddenly learned about myself, who I was, who I was trying to be. I came to see how important this was to any potential partner. Be The Man Your Woman Will Love became my watchword.
Women Are Different From Men
Men, you start to relate to a woman because you are attracted by her. You realise, later, that you do not know how to go beyond that attraction. You do not know how to love her, how to get her to love you. You want to love her and you want the relationship to grow and be powerful.
You discover something important when you embark on a relationship. You discover that women are different from men. You discover that it is not enough to have a relationship with a woman.
You are a man; you know how to bond with other men. You can sit in silence with other men. You can drink, or watch sports together, and do nothing else. This does not work with women because they are not the same as men. You discover that you need to bring more to a relationship. You find that women demand more in a relationship.
A woman needs more than the sexy, interesting man who attracted her originally. She needs to see more of the man inside. She wants to see the strength, power and compassion in you.
Women look for more in you. Women look for real depth in you, once they are beyond that first stage of attraction, that first powerful jolt of sexual polarity. They look for a man who knows his strength, a man who sees his future, a man who lives for his passion in life, a man who has focus and direction.
A Man With Focus And Direction
There is a process you can go through to achieve this. There are some simple steps you can take to create this transformation.
1. Be In Your Core, Be The Man Your Woman Will Love
Discover your core masculinity. You were born with it. Feel your male energy, that drive that is deep down inside you. Learn about focus, the first of the essential male qualities. Focus can define a man.
2. Understand Your Influences
Learn to understand how your parents influenced you and how you reacted. Your parents will have influenced you first. This will have created different personalities in you. Meet those personalities and resolve the issues between them. Look at your attitudes to life, and how they have affected you and your relationships.
3. Be Grounded
The ability to ground yourself is an essential quality. It creates the ability to love and be loved and, especially, the ability to love yourself. Work on your self-confidence and learn how to love yourself and how to love others. It is crucial that you understand this process.
4. Live in Your Power
It is important that you live in your power and strength. The strength to own yourself and the power to stand up for what you believe. To fully embrace these, you need compassion. Compassion tempers your power and strength. Compassion eliminates any tendency to be dominant.
5. Live a Life of Purpose
Everyone should live a life of purpose, especially men. When you have a purpose, you can live your truth and be authentic in all you do. This, in turn, enables you to live in uncertainty and embrace that uncertainty. Uncertainty demands vulnerability, that is strong, not weak, that enables you to stand up without fear.
6. Live Your Passion
This is where you need to embrace change. The question, though, is change to what? Change to align with your vision and your passion. Embrace what you are passionate about in life and build your vision of the future. Your vision will drive you and inspire you.
7. Be a Leader
To be a leader you need to understand that leadership is about more than a title. It is about how you influence others and how they influence you. Your partner should have the freedom to fly and be a woman, in your relationship, because of your love, because of your leadership.
8. Be Present
Women look for a man who is present. You need to hold her in your presence. You need to understand what is behind your love. You need deal with the conflicting issues of need, desire and control and how they affect you. They are behind much of what we call love.
9. Find Your Sexual Polarity
The twin pillars at the heart of any relationship are sexual polarity and intimacy. Sexual polarity is a powerful energy that draws two people together and creates excitement in their relationship. Find where yours lies and embrace it.
10. Be Intimate
Intimacy balances your sexual polarity and your physical relationship. Intimacy is important for a woman, who often seeks intimacy before sex. A man often seeks sex before intimacy.
Live as a masculine man, strong, confident and happy with yourself. Understand how women work and how your woman works. Have a relationship of love and strength that will last throughout your life? Rediscover the passion in your life. Rediscover the intimacy in your relationship. Rediscover yourself, rediscover your woman. Learn how to love a woman. Learn how to be the man your woman will love.
How To Be A Man, How To Be Present and Focused
How to be a man? Most men don't think they need to know. Most men just carry on as if everything is alright. You can show that you know how to be a man by making today the most important day of your life.
I organised an evening event, here in Spain, on 'Sizzling Relationships'. It was based on the work I do with men, helping them learn how to be a man. There were lots of women signing up, even though my work is mainly with men. They are having difficulties, however, getting their men to come. It is about 'Be a Man—Be Present—Be Focused'.
What is happening? Where are they? Where are the men? Don't they want to know 'How To Be A Man'?
Since I started this site, I have had a core of men who see what I do and support it. The real support, however, has been from women who really 'get it'. They see what I am saying to men and they see that many of the men they know need it. They do not go there out of control, they just want their relationships to soar and become sizzling hot. They want their men to know how to be a man.
I talk to women in their 30's and 40's about men and the work I do, they usually say to 'Where are the men, don't they know how to be a man?'
So, men, here is what you need to know to to get off the couch, learn how to be a man and start making things hot.
1. It Starts With You, Be A Man, Be Decisive
In any intimate relationship between a man and a woman the man needs to take the lead. This is an absolute essential. Indeed a man needs to do this in any relationship. A man needs to know what he wants and how he can create it. Be a man be present and focused.
Men, you need to step up and take the lead, you need to be decisive. Whether you are seeking to have a relationship or are already in one you need to show her what you want and what you feel. Anticipating her needs and desires is a key skill that will enable to move the relationship forward and make her your raving fan.
2. You Need To Work On It
I know you, I'm a man myself. You love being in your 'Nothing Box', you love just zoning out in the evening, having a meal and just relaxing. Well that is alright occasionally but not all the time. If you are not in a relationship you need to get off your backside and go find a woman. If you are in a relationship you need to work on it to create 'sizzling'.
I know you love your woman, but that is simply not enough. You need to pay attention to her and make her feel like a woman. Everyday you need to let her know what you feel, everyday you need to care for her and let her know you care for her. This should not be your whole life, however, she needs to know that you are a man.
3. You Are Already A Man, Show It
No excuses will be accepted, you are a man and you better start showing that you know it. Your inner nature is masculine, you know it deep down. Dig into your awareness of your inner self and find what is down there, get to know how men think. You will find you core, your inner manhood. Accept it and start living authentically in it.
It is too easy to be weak, to let go of your Male Energy. It is too easy to expect your woman to create the excitement. It is too easy to assume your animal magnetism will work wonders. It is easy but it does not work. What does work is you digging down into your manhood already there deep down.
4. Women Are Looking For You When You Know How To Be A Man
Are you shy? Do you think women will laugh at you? Get it into your head that women are looking for you. They are looking for a straight up guy who really believes in himself and his manhood. They are looking for a man they can trust, a man they can believe in. They're not looking for a stud, they are looking for a confident, ordinary man like you.
You just have to be yourself, believe in yourself and be yourself and you will be amazed at what will happen. They will find you, they will be attracted to you, just wait and see.
5. Find Your Inner Certainty, Face Your Fears
I remember when I was young I was so unsure of myself, so unsure of what others would think of me, I feared what they would say. I was relying on other people's reactions to validate myself. I was ignoring myself and my own reactions. Now I validate myself, I rely on my own sense of certainty I have faced my fears.
The double benefit from this is that other people then judge you based on your own sense of certainty. The see your certainty and think much better of you. Women, especially, look at you and sense someone who is grounded, someone who knows himself, someone they can trust.
6. Be Willing To Be Vulnerable, Be Willing To Fail
Once you build your own sense of certainty, once you rely on your own judgement rather than on other people's judgement you can launch yourself into the world and take whatever comes. You do n't know what is going to happen, you don't know what the result is going to be, but you do it all the same.
Doing this you show that you can accept vulnerability, you show that, as a man, you can take what the world throws at you. You can face failure because you that what it brings you is learning.This is what women look for in man more than anything else. Being vulnerable is not being weak, on the contrary it's being strong, it is being a leader.
7. Let Go Of Expectation, Love Life
Expectation equals frustration is something I have found in my own life. I often tell the story of how I met Urmila, my wife. After we met I was full of how great we would be together and I built up an expectation of where it would go. It didn't happen until I let go of wanting or needing it to happen. When it did not matter any more, that is when it happened.
I can not emphasise this enough, you need to let go of what you need or want to happen. Manifesting is OK, having a vision is OK, but expecting it to happen is not OK. You become a man who is desperate, a man who pleads, that is anathema to a woman. You need to be strong and certain in yourself.
8. Find Your Role Model, Honour Other Men
There are so many stereotypes for men and most of them are unrealistic. The 'macho jerk' is as unrealistic as the 'new age wimp'. They both exhibit aspects of the annoying things men do. Out there, though, are real world people that you can model, real people with their own model of masculinity. Find them and model them, honour their masculinity.
As men, we are all different. Enjoy the differences and focus on what you want to be as a man. See the strength in all men, in all forms of masculinity, see the different ways men express their power. Model those ways but create your own 'Personal Masculinity'.
9. Be Fully Present, Be A Man
Be focused on what is happening around you as well as on what you are doing. Being focused is one of the essential masculine qualities but it can be detrimental if you take it too far. You need to be fully present with those you are with. This is especially true of women, when you are with them they need your full attention, they need you to know what they are thinking and what they want.
Being a man is being the centre of attention, is being the person others want to be with. men and women will want to be part of your world because you make them feel important and an important part of your world. You create this be being present.
10. Start Afresh, Know How To Be A Man
You can let go of the past and start again each day. You can start afresh by being a man today. You can show that you know how to be a man by making today the most important day of your life. Start again today and create the life you dream of.
So men, how are you going to rise to the challenge? What do you want me to say the next time a woman says to me, "Where are the men?", should I tell them that the men who come to here know how to be a man?