Session 11 — Love Your Woman
Intimacy is the heart of any emotional relationship. It is what provides the balance to the physical. Intimacy is particularly important for a woman, who often seeks intimacy before sex, where a man can seek sex before intimacy.
Intimacy is being close to someone on an emotional level to the point where you feel that you start to merge together. Intimacy is a vulnerable sharing of inner thoughts, feelings, spirit and true self. It's achieved through listening, empathy or reassurance.
Men find intimacy confusing because they connect intimacy with an emotional state that follows sex. Women mostly connect intimacy with an emotional state that can lead to sex. Sex without intimacy can be very unrewarding, while sex with intimacy can be deeply fulfilling.
According to psychologist John Gopner there are four stages to a relationship breakdown:
- Conflict, complaints, arguments, differences of opinion, blaming each other.
- Feelings of contempt for each other that grow as the arguments deepen or disappear.
- Increasing defensive behavior, preserving identity, feeling threatened by accusations.
- Breakdown of basic trust between the partners and increasing disengagement.
Prevent breakdown by developing intimacy; learn the language. It enables you to be open with each other, to be honest with each other and develop closeness without boundaries.
Seven simple steps to put into practice every day of your life. Write them down, pin them up and never forget them. Start today as if it was your first day of your relationship:
- Tell her you love her. Say it so she understands it and has no doubts. Volunteer it.
- Just love her for herself. You love her just because of her and nothing else.
- Get to know her. Love can only grow and deepen through understanding.
- Count your blessings. Things you have together, all you have achieved as a couple.
- Give love always. The desire to give more than you receive fuels love's creative force.
- Pay attention to her. She needs it all the time, notice her attempts to get it.
- Start afresh each day. Start your day as if it was your first day of your relationship.
Communicating your emotions to your partner will make her feel loved and understood.
In an emotional relationship, two people have such deep feelings for each other that others cannot intervene and disrupt their relationship. With such a bond there is no place for misunderstandings or conflict. The main pillars are truth, honesty and faithfulness.
An emotional affair is when you turn to someone else for your core emotional support. If this is you, fix it by putting by re-investing your emotional energy in your relationship as soon as possible. Stop escaping and deal with issues now, before they lead to a terrible crisis.
Set aside time to think through your answers to the questions. They are intended to get you thinking about the level of intimacy you have with your partner. Write your answers either in this worksheet or start a journal. Also write your emotional or other reactions.
- Is there any conflict in your relationship? What causes the conflict, is it focused on one area or is it more general?
- What steps do you take every day to show your partner you love her? What steps could you take? How could you change the direction of your relationship for the better?
- Do you have a female friendship outside of your relationship, does it feel like it's easier to talk to your friend than your partner? Does your friend seem to understand you in a deeper way than your partner? Do you see any danger signals?
- Have you stopped confiding your deepest feelings and concerns in your partner? How long has this been happening? What do you need to do to rectify this situation?
The key to renewing intimacy is spending time with your partner enjoying each other's company. This intimate time can be soothing and intense with a partner, because it is both visual and kinesthetic. Intimacy is a state of arousal. It is not a state of sexual arousal but the combination of arousal you can experience with your partner emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically when you focus your energies in combination.
Try this Energetic Intimacy Meditation together with your partner. It is a great balance to the Dark Energy Meditation you did last week.
Lie down together and hold each other, remove as many clothes as you feel comfortable with and lie still and silent. Lie facing each other. Do this for a considerable time, longer than might feel comfortable. Feel the energy, the soul of your partner and monitor your emotions and feelings. Sense each other's heartbeat, feel their breathing.
Try synchronizing your breathing so that when one is breathing out the other is breathing in. As you lie facing each other feel the energy in your breathe circulate between you. You, the man, breathes it in through your mouth and breathe it out through your genital area. Your partner breathes it in through her genital area and breathes it out through her mouth. Keep cycling this way for a time.
When you start to feel distracted, it's time to go further.
Deciding which one of you goes first, you'll place one hand on your partners chest and close your eyes. Your other hand is still connected to theirs while your hand on their heart leads into a new visualization. Picture water around you and let that grow, picturing a huge body of water that you two are floating within. What does your partner's heart share with you that you need or want to know? Your answer lies within what you 'see' in the water you're floating in. Is it dark and stormy or is it colorful and full of ocean spray? What do you feel and see?
Then swap and let the other try it.
When both of you have finished with this visualization, share what you see and share your experiences with each other. This will help to bring you both into an energetic alignment with each other and it will also help to offer a sanctuary of emotional surrender. With an openness to intimacy, you will be more willing to make the effort to take the time with each other, and explore each others desires openly. The key is to take your time. Appreciate each step, each moment of the process of embrace and keep an open mind to where things will go.
Fears, anxieties and frustrations with yourself and your partner can be released step by step by implementing these exercises, encourage openness and emotional embrace. The sky is the limit! So fly on! And see where this beautiful engagement with each other can lead you. You never know how exquisite your romance can become, even if you've been partners for years.