Session 7

Understand Women

In understanding women, you need to have balance and understand men as well. In doing this, you will look at how men and women process emotions in different ways and understand how you process emotions.

Men and Women

• Men and women think differently, accept this; open communication, honesty and the desire to meet your woman's needs enhances independence and love.
• Many motivations tend to be gender specific, a man and woman aim to complement each other; women are motivated by security, relationship and communication.
• Men and women have different unique needs. Women need conversation, non-sexual touch, feeling cherished. Men need sex, respect and air. Focus on her needs, not yours.
• Our perception of the world comes from our own emotions and needs, you create the world that is inside you, the world does not create you.
• Men complain about problems because they're asking for solutions, women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged but not solved.
• Men and women score differently: men tend to give 30, 40 points for perceived big acts, women give each love-act one point at a time.
• If one person feels they have given more than they have received resentment develops. Mutual communication helps to bring things back into balance.
• Under stress, many men withdraw. They need their brains to focus on something else, allowing them to revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective.
• Women's natural reaction is to talk about things, even if it doesn't solve it. This leads to a natural dynamic.

The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman, the key to make your partner feel loved:

• Words of affirmation. Hearing "I love you" and receiving complements are important.
• Quality time. Being present with the T.V. off and all chores on standby is critical.
• Receiving gifts. The effort shows being cared for and prized above what was sacrificed.
• Acts of Service. Easing the burden of responsibilities by "let me do that for you".
• Physical touch. Non-sexual touch (holding hands or hugs) shows concern, care and love.

Emotions

Constantly repressing emotions affects the quality of relationships with others. Every thought or feeling of anger, hurt, depression, anxiety, sadness and shame that you have experienced is held within the cells of your body unless you have consciously allowed yourself to feel, process and release them.

Worksheet

Set aside time to think through your answers to the questions. They are intended to get you thinking about your emotions and their relationship to pain.. Write your answers either in this worksheet or start a journal. Also write your emotional or other reactions.

1. If you are in pain now, for whatever reason, sit silently and focus into the source of that pain. Allow it to communicate with you and tell you why it is there. What is it trying to get you to understand? If you have no pain, think back to when you had serious pain and go through the same process.
2. Go deeper and feel what is there that you are not acknowledging. Keep going until you start to discover the emotions inside. What do you learn from seeing them?
3. When you understand what it is there for, accept and acknowledge the communication, and let the pain go. What can you do to release these emotions? Will awareness be enough for you or do you need to do something more active?
4. How can you setup a regular practice that will bring these emotions out in when you can deal with them without trauma? Is there a person or a group you can talk to regularly to start opening yourself up?

Exercise

You will need to continue with this exercise over an extended period of time, it can't be completed in one sitting. It may be helpful to keep a special notebook to record the results. Choose a diary format so you can track the progress of how you connect with your emotions.

The exercise contains a number of ways you can get in touch with your emotions, either do all of them or pick the ones that particularly resonate with you, but do a minimum of three. Record your thoughts and emotions.

• Listen To Your Thoughts and Daydreams.

We become so accustomed to thinking in certain patterns that we are no longer aware or conscious about our thoughts and daydreams.

• Identify Your 'Little and Unimportant Hurts'.

More people walk around saying it's not important or it doesn't matter when it is very important and a big piece of hurting emotion is buried within them.

• Record What Makes You Feel Strongly.

Keep an ongoing record of any strong emotions.

• Memories That Won't Go Away.

If you keep remembering situations, hurts that happened some time ago, you are guaranteed to have repressed emotions around this person or situation.

• Keep a Journal of the Emotions in Your Dreams.

Keep a notebook by your bedside, jot down your dreams as soon as you begin to waken.

• Be Specific About The Emotions You Are Experiencing.

Confusion occurs when people are trying to get to know their emotions because they speak in general terms rather than specific emotions.

• Are You Using Sex To Release Your Emotions?

Sex is a normal and healthy part of life. Many people engage in sexual acts, with others, alone, or using pornography, to release emotions buried within them that they have been unable to feel and release. Look at the relationship you have between them.

• Eating, Drinking, Exercising, or Any Type of Compulsive or Excessive Behavior.

We often go for weeks, even years acting in a manner that is normal for us – and what is normal for you may not be normal for another person. Then we will find ourselves overeating, working excessively, drinking daily, engaging in compulsive sex, working long hours, and many other types of compulsive behavior. Where do you do this?

• Positive Emotions.

It is crucial that you identify your positive emotions during these exercises. You are probably very loving, caring, compassionate, trusting, forgiving, generous, many times in each day. Be certain to include the wonderful and good things about yourself as you identify your emotional self.