Men are often confused about themselves. Men frequently think that they are unimportant. To grow as a man and learn how to be with a woman you need to start with yourself. Knowing yourself is great beginning, but loving yourself is the end you should aim for.
Men think loving is for women. Men will look at you in horror if you talk to them about how to love yourself. That is so sad! Loving yourself may not seem very ‘manly’. It may seem a little soft or ‘new age’ to you, but believe me it’s absolutely essential if you want to gain self confidence and become more grounded.
This is important if you lack confidence in yourself or your relationship, or if you find it difficult to love for others. If you become grounded and love yourself you’ll take a crucial step to avoiding feeling awkward around women and you’ll gain confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Do you know what love is? Do you know who you are? Can you honestly say that you know how to love yourself. This concept probably means nothing to you, it is outside your realm of experience. It is as if someone came up to you and asked you how to get to Mars, you would have no idea how to answer.
It is critical, however, that you put aside your scepticism and allow me to speak to you about this. This is the key to the rest of your life. This is the key to you creating and having a great relationship with your significant other. As I have often said, loving yourself is the start of being able to love others. When I talk about love I am not talking about something soppy, but I am talking about opening yourself up to who you are, how brilliant you are and to what you are capable of if you just give yourself the opportunity.
Understanding how to love yourself will enable you to love others and create a feeling a certainty in those around you.
Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.Maya Angelou
Being grounded means you are in touch with reality and able to resist pressure from those around you. You are able to be certain in yourself and enable others to feel certain around you. This is real strength, especially in men. To know that you can deal with the chaos of the world, to know that you can contain the wildness of women is a quality that helps to define a man.
Women love the freedom of being able to live in their spontaneity. Women love men that can live with their femininity and not be knocked sideways by it.
To achieve this you need to focus on yourself.
This focus needs to be positive and creative. When I was young I remember being frozen with shyness because I focused on myself in a negative way. I thought that women would laugh at me at best, ignore me at worst. I focused on everything that I thought I wasn’t. I looked at other boys my own age and decided I could never be like them.
Years later I realised how true this was. I could never be like them because I was me. I had my own qualities and style. What I didn’t do when I was shy was focus on this. I realise now how amazing I am. I believe what people say about me and accept my creative side..
When you focus on yourself in a positive, creative way you open yourself to hearing and seeing how amazing you are. Once you rid yourself of any doubt you find you can accept all that you are. It is essential that you do this and do it with total openness.
When you dont focus on yourself in this way you find that you focus on other people and see what’s great or good in them. If you just do this then you only see what you don’t have. As I was when I was shy, you become frozen by the knowledge of what you are not.
By all means look at others but remember to model them and absorb what is great in them. Use this to draw yourself forward into being even more amazing.
To go down this route you need to look at your core and your inner light. You look at what is essentially you, what is the deep basis of who you are. We all grow and learn through life but this is built on the essential core of who you are. Your inner light is part of this core and part of the amazing you.
Life shifted dramatically for me when I realised that I didn’t need to search any more for the truth about me or what I was here for. I learned that this was already inside me and part of me. I needed to learn skills and techniques in life but the basis had been with me all along. My power, my love and my compassion were a deep part of me, and I had always had them. Failing to focus on me meant I missed this.
Your values and beliefs are created by your unconscious mind. Changing your unconscious pattern of thought will change the whole basis of your life. Your expectations and choices are created by your unconscious mind. Your consciousness of your inner self is your capacity to love yourself.
“How should you go about this?” You may ask. “I understand what is necessary but how do I go about it?”
Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love yourself:
1. Start by accepting it is possible
If you are unable to love yourself, you are unable to love someone else.
Understanding this is critical to creating a great life for yourself. You have to be able to understand what this means for you.
Loving yourself is the basis of life and the basis of a balanced personality. If you have troubled relationships, at any level, you should look, first of all, to yourself, this isalways where the trouble lies.
2. Tell yourself you love yourself
This is not about fake it till you make it, this is about trying it out for size.
This means saying the words so understand and are in no doubt about it. You love yourself. Communication is critical, even with yourself. Do not think—in any way—that this is silly, it is not
This process is about getting used to something that you have so far rejected. It is time to stop that behaviour and treat yourself seriously.
3. Just love yourself for yourself
What you feel about yourself is not conditional, it is not based on being something one day. This is honesty at work.
I am sure you have been in the position of saying to yourself, when I am rich/famous/in a relationship/not at home… I will… That is not good enough. This is about who and how you are now, no buts, no ifs, no conditions.
You are who you are and it is time you take that on board and accept that in this moment you are perfect. It does not imply stagnation, it is not forever. Your current perfection is good enough. You are good enough. You may get better, that is OK, but you need to be absolutely OK with yourself NOW!
4. Live in your power
Whilst as a man you may become an emotional being you must not stop being yourself.
Your view of yourself should come from the power inside, from your very soul. It must be part of your power as a man and it must be part of how you live.
You must remain just who you are, you must be the man you always wanted to be. Your masculine strength is part of your core. Don’t ever let yourself down.
5. Don’t live in the past
Never dwell on the past and use it to judge yourself.
Life will not always treat you well and you certainly don’t always treat life well. Things go wrong and you mess up. Strife in relationships is something to let go of once it’s over, it’s something to let slip into the past.
Learn the lessons and move on ensuring that you don’t go there again. Move on and live, always, in the present.
6. Get to know yourself
How often do you say, “Life is a bitch.” What you really mean is, “I don’t know what to do.”
Love for yourself can only grow and deepen through understanding. You can never get to the point where you know everything about yourself. You are a complex person and you need to work on your understanding.
You need to understand and get to know yourself with patience and determination.
7. Count your blessings
Count the blessings you have, the things you have achieved, all that you are as a man.
This should be a regular part of your life. While I said, above, don’t live in the past, it’s ok to recount the great things in the past. This must be tempered with looking at the amazing things you are going to do in the future.
As a rule of thumb it is advisable to expect a future way beyond one that you can imagine. Expectations can lead to frustration if they limit you, expecting them to go way beyond is a good step into the future.
8. Give love, always
Love is about giving rather than receiving.
Love is a creative force that grows out of the desire to give more than you receive.
It is crucial that you are able to receive the love that is offerred to you by others else it quickly dies, but you have to focus on the contribution you make to others. “Give and you shall receive”, but give without expecting anything in return.
9. Pay attention to yourself
You need to take care of yourself all the time.
It is absolutely vital that you understand this. Many of the annoying habits that you have are merely because you are not looking after yourself. Take heed of them and pay attention.
Men are focused and directed and you can easily lose yourself in what you are doing. This is one of the qualities that many women love in their men, but not to the exclusion of them. You need to find a balance that shows how important your life is to you without losing your passion for your mission.
10. Start afresh each day
Start again as if it was the first day of your life.
Welcome yourself into your world and look forward to your day. Give yourself love and attention.
This refreshing of your view of yourself will keep you alive and help you to see yourself in a different light. Through this your appreciation will deepen and become an essential part of your day.
There are also a number of simple steps you can take that will help you re-pattern your thought processes. For example:
- Treat others with respect.
- Let go of past events.
- Forgive yourself.
- Eliminate self criticism.
- Focus on what you have done.
- Acknowledge your efforts.
- Be yourself.
- Trust yourself.
- Shift your focus.
- Stand up for what you believe in.
- Dont apologise for your passions.
- Have confidence in your abilities.
- Be Truthful To Yourself.
- Nurture Your Dreams.
More specifically it could help you to go through the following set of questions to assess the extent of your self-belief. Get a notebook or a journal and write down the answers.
- Honestly ask the question, do you love yourself? If you are unsure then ask yourself, can you love yourself?
- If you answered yes then write down all the ways you love yourself, write down all the things you love about yourself. You can be honest, no-one else is going to read this.
- If you answered no or arent sure then write down all the parts of yourself that get in the way. What is it you arent sure of? What dont you like?
- Can you let go of the things that get in the way? What would it take to love yourself? What are the things you could love about yourself?
So what does it mean to love yourself?
It means you have an overwhelming emotion that you are ok, an emotion that you can’t truly explain but you can’t get rid of.
It makes you want to enjoy life, with passion and purpose.
It makes you feel great and totally transforms your life.
Love is the power house behind our lives, it is the reason we live.
Ken Page, a Psychotherapist, poured his scorn on self-love. In ‘Psychology Today’ he said,
Everyone’s heard this self-help platitude: We need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. This may sound wise, but it misses a great truth; if we want to experience true intimacy, we need to be taught to love aspects of ourselves–again and again–by the people around us.
If you just rely on those around us to teach you about love you fall into a passive way of coming to love yourself. I prefer to use my ability to love myself to show others how to love me. That creates an interaction that grows and builds.
Listen to yourself and listen to others. Learn to love yourself so you can love others. Learn to love others so you can learn to love yourself.