Embers of Illumination: Content
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This is a memoir of my life, my spiritual development. It is about how I have grown from loneliness to aloneness. It reveals my struggles with seeking answers and explores what made me the man I am.
I realise that I am not able to completely throw away what was central to me when I was young, no matter how much I now understand it was wrong. I did not know how to connect with people around me. I had the feeling of paralysis.
The need to dominate or control shifted into a desire to influence which became a love of teaching and inspiring. I saw that my place in the world was one of privilege and that I repaid this privilege whenever I could.
I had no sense of identity, either in relation to who I was, or who I wanted to be. I was out in the world with no idea of who I was beyond how I related to my family, especially my parents, but I was out there, away from home.
I may have been lost but I knew how to dull the ache. Life became about fun, connection became about letting my inhibitions go. Maybe I was shy, but I found a way I could connect that did not require too much effort.
In the decade between the mid-sixties and the mid-seventies I was out in the world enjoying a sense of freedom. This was a great period for me despite all the negative aspects.
The end of my decade of freedom came when I met a girl and fell in love. At last everything seemed to slot into place. I felt connected, wanted and desired. I was able to express myself through my emotions and my passion.
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